I'm okay - just needed to let this out

I hate that I said, "It's me" when calling an ex(J), and I hate that the response was "I know that voice well". I hate that J think he has a free pass back into my life now. I hate that I could not adjudicate the sanity between 2 people who once meant the world to me (though not at the same time). I hate that I keep losing one again and again for the past 3 years, and every time hurts just as much as the last, if not more. I hate that I was excited when I thought J had changed, and then disappointed to discover that he hasn't, and that the simple truth that people don't change still elude me. I hate that J thinks he can ask about R, or expect me to take his side, no questions asked. I hate that I still care about R, and feel like I should defend him to J, despite R's inexcusable actions. I hate that I still don't have an articling job.

I hate I am 3500 miles away from home, and feel no more alone than I usually feel.

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OT: I can't believe my daemon has been changed 5 times already! It went from an ocelot to a wolf to a spider. My friends really don't see me as I see myself! =)

'normal' is a figment of my imagination

Any day that starts with a 6am phone call is not going to be great. Especially when said call is from an ex. And doubly so when the reason for the call is that he is being threatened by someone else, who named themselves 'kelly chan', and then proceed to interrogate/reveal intimate details about your relationships with your ex and with themselves. Although I have no confirmation except for an invitation to MSN with probably the same 'kelly chan', I will give you three guesses as to who is behind this. The first two don't count.

So apparently 'kelly' found the ex's email that I carelessly posted on someone else's wall for something, and then emailed the ex, and invited him to MSN with the promise of 'urgent information' about me to talk about. I believe the term is cyber-bullying. So the ex at first thought this was some twisted way for me to contact him, but then to his credit realize I am not crazy, and called me at 1am his time to warn me of this 'kelly'. Life is grand, no? Of course I can't get back to sleep after that. It is 9:32am my time now. Only 14.5 hours to go before this day is over. In terms of credibility, the ex may be a lot of things, but psychotic is the domain of someone else, so I find it much easy to believe him that you-know-who. It's a little scary, except for the vast protection offered by the Atlantic Ocean. I know I bring this trouble upon myself, but I'd wanted to believe that things were going to be different this time.

At least I am going to Scotland this weekend.

Train Stations & Why I Love Them

Last Sunday I took a full day trip to London. Woke up at 6am, walked for 45mins to the train station (buses don't run that early on Sunday in Leicester), got on the 7:45am train, arrived at St. Pancreas Station at 9:45am. Spent the whole day doing all the tourisy things. It was awesome. But nothing impressed me more than the train stations. I don't know why, but I'm so in love with them. I think it's the sense of grandiose, the super high dome like ceilings that reminds me of an armory. The hustle and bustle of people going important places. The punctuality of running on schedule, every time (I especially like this). The romance of a platform goodbye. The inevitability of the departed train. The full-throttle ahead. The safe screech of arrival. The passing landscape, here one moment, gone the next. My dad once said, don't forget to look at the scenery when you are driving by. But being in a train, you can look, but you can't stop. And the fragility and perhaps a little of the helplessness and lack of control over our surroundings has deep resonance with me as well. I know the sun shines beyond the rain, and you can't stay longer in a perfect moment than you can in a devastating one. The route is already set, and you know where you are headed. At least you think you do. But don't try to stay on too long, or the conductor just might fine you.

On the less emo side, here's something fun for you:
The trolley is actually half way through the pillar. Back to school!

Haven't Got a Mobile?!

I am going to London on a day trip this Sunday, and a friend of a friend has graciously offered to show me around. Except, he was slightly surprised/horrified that I don't have a 'mobile'. How could people ever find each other without one? To be fair, cell phones are so much cheaper here. With incredible foresight (but really mostly luck), I bought a Razr from Pacific Mall a while ago, so it's already got the right plug (I use a converter in Canada), plus is unlocked. The SIM card was free, and basically I just put money on it. The deal I got is 15p/min for any call within the UK, but only 5p/min to Canada, US, Australia or New Zealand! Yeah, so it's actually cheaper to call home then local! Hong Kong/China is only 6p/min as well. It's funny; the rate is in pretty much direct proportion to how much Britain likes you.

Little Things:
1. Traffic lights that go: Red, Red+Yellow, Green. I remember specifically having to unlearn this sequence when I first moved to Canada.
2. How phone numbers are like 11 digits long, and that it's different rates to call numbers from different providers.
3. Sitting on the upper deck of buses, and then flying down the stairs just before your stop.
4. Jaywalking made easy, but narrow streets.
5. 50min lectures, 2000 word essays (including footnotes!)
6. A big bowl of fruits for a pound at the Open-Air Market.
7. 'Still' vs. 'Sparkling' water.
8. How everybody is 'mate'.

I know what I forgot to pack... a boyfriend

I am surprised by how many international/study abroad students are here with their partners. How did they swing that?! Maybe couples just do things like this together - but it just boggles my mind.

Today is the first day of registration, but Law does them tomorrow. So I'm just staying away from campus today, and nursing this wicked cold that has my head exploding and eyes tearing every couple minutes. It is not fun. My immune system and I need to have a talk. Classes haven't even started yet!

So everyone else (British students) have moved in now. They are very nice, but VERY YOUNG. Of course, most students in residence are first years, which makes me, like 6-7 years older than them. Anyway, it's cool.

I think I've figured out why obesity is less of a problem here - the food sucks. Well, it doesn't suck exactly, I guess. It all looks pleasant enough, until you take a bite. And then you realize there is no taste. Even a McChicken taste different. The most flavourful thing I've had yet is the instant noodle for lunch today. This may be just cafeteria food, but maybe not. Speaking of which, my hall is catered, which I thought meant 'swipe your meal card' and it'll just deduct the amount. Not so. We pay a set fee and eat in the dining hall at set times every day, but for breakfast and dinner only. Lunch they expect you to eat at school, so they don't serve it here. Brunches on weekends. The staff sit on the podium at the head of the dining hall, and the students throughout the hall. It's interesting.

So tomorrow I'll get my timetable, and figure out how much traveling I can manage to squeeze in. It's October 1st already. I'd forgotten about Thanksgiving next week until I looked at my calendar today. They don't have it here.

Little Things that Freak Me Out/Surprises Me:
1. Kleenex for Men - it seems like they are bigger sheets, or at least in a bigger box. I don't know what would happen if you used it by mistake.
2. How the cashier wait until you have bagged and carried away all your stuff before serving the next customer
3. How all the cashier have chairs in the supermarkets
4. That flavour I've been missing since I was a kid is black current.
5. How, of all things, I forgot to pack an umbrella