I know this is insane. I left Toronto Monday night, but haven't seen him since Sunday, and now it's Saturday, so it's been a week. He is coming back Tuesday. That's only 3 days away. Why am I being such a baby about this?
Granted, we have not been apart for more than 3 days since we started dating, so a week seems like a very long time indeed. On the one hand it's nice to miss someone so much, and realize how much of my life involves him now, so that having 'free time' to myself; I don't even know what to do with it, really. There are so many fun things to do now that the weather is turning nice and spring is peeking out, but it's just not the same without him.
On the other hand, this feeling is terrifying me. Nothing is forever, and for sure no one should be hanging their hats on a 4 month relationship to provide happiness for everything. I don't like the feeling of dependence, and as sweet as this feeling is reflective of perhaps a deeper bond than I have experienced before, the surrendering of control freaks me out. To the point that I may be convincing myself that I like being alone better, so I can shut off that vulnerability.
I am so messed up.