no, not the show. I just had a revelation today. Well, more like a self-actualization, or whatever. It was my second day working at Chapters (I'm in the children's department). I really wanted a job that was going to be completely different from, you know, writing my thesis, so I thought this will be an ideal fit. And it is - I really enjoyed today. But the trouble is, I think I am completely seduced by the simplicity of it. I can't believe that I can get money from shelving books, and helping customers run title/author searches. It just seemed too simple. (I know some of this is going to sound very elitist and snobbish, and I apologize). I totally don't know why I am slaving away, writing papers that I don't care about. I've always thought that I wanted a job that will be challenging, mentally engaging, and even stressful. But you know what? I'm perfectly happy selling books. Really. I mean, I guess I would get tired of it after a while. But right now, I am so tempted to give up school and just work. Everyday, someone telling me what to do, no original thought required, sound so good. I know I'm a slack student, but really, maybe I'm just not cut out for grad school. I wish I wasn't smart enough to get by without really trying. If I'm just a little smarter, maybe it wouldn't be so hard. If I'm just a little dumber, I wouldn't delude myself into applying for a Ph.D. program next year. Maybe I'm just trying too hard to make something work, that wasn't meant to. Which brings me to my next topic:
boy
I've never really been in a relationship that's not long-distance, so I guess I really have no basis for comparison. But really, is it just naive for me to think that something can work out base on knowing someone in the totally contrived environment of camp for two months? It's not that my feelings have changed. Everything that's worth doing should require work, so why should a relationship be any different, right?
I'm just so tired. I just wish everything was a little easier. I'm not a whiner, or quitter, and I know I'll see this year through no matter what. I just wish I can get a glimpse of where I will be this time next year, to give me a little more courage to carry on tomorrow.
7 comments:
When you get bored of your job, then what? Stick with your original plan, you seem like a pretty smart girl.
BOY - Perhaps take sometime and get to know him a little bit better?
BOY - 3 Provinces Away? Pay him a visit.
Ahhh! Conflicting advice on all fronts! I guess I really just have to talk to him. It's not fair that I've told everyone else that there is a problem except for him...
oh, and don't worry, I won't quit school until they stop accepting me. I just want to complain, sometimes
i hear u on the simple thing... sometimes i wish i was doing something where i wasn't required to think... but i wonder if i would get bored of it too... i dunno... but i definitely can relate... maybe it's because i'm a lazy guy too...
i'm sure u'll find your way... u just gotta struggle through this little mini-funk u're in cause u know it's gonna get better... i have the ability to see into the future... and your future looks good to me! ok, that was really cheesy but u can't blame me for trying... or can u?
- aziz
trust me, filing books WILL get boring and you will move on, but you're still my professor friend, so keep at it. you have at least one page done right? only 149 to go!
isn't calgary pretty this time of year? maybe it's time to find out. grab your cowboy hat, pull on your cowboy boots and giddy up.
a> full marks for trying, cheesy though it was! ;)
s> I wish I could...
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