***caution: angry rant ahead***
Why does one part of my life have to go so terribly wrong when another part is so good? Is my life some kind of miserable zero sum game? Why can't things go well for more than a few days?
My soul seems to be the price of rent living at my uncle/grandma's house. And I'm sorry, but my soul is not for sale, or even rent. Why do they say that they are treating me like an adult, when all they wanted to do is yell at me like I'm a petulant child? Tonight was not the first time I've thought about moving out, but it is certainly the night that I have thought most seriously about it.
How is it my fault that my mom is psychotic/depressed? How is it my problem that my sister is dating a black guy? How is it my responsibility that my parents' marriage is a sham from day one? What the hell do they want from me? I'm working three jobs and trying to write a thesis at the same time; how can I support my mom and sister when I can't even support myself? My two week pay cheques are less than what they spend gambling daily. Yet they can't understand why I can't be financially indepedent after I've graduate.
Is it so wrong to want something more for my life? It is being selfish to want to go to law school? It is insanely ridiculous to not take some generic receptionist job because I want to believe that I can actually build a career that will give meaning to my life?
Is it wrong to dream?
I have nothing left to give - I'm just emotionally drained.
2 comments:
Awww...
Don't feel bad. However, ranting is good.
Feeling better now? I guess you probably should start ignoring some of them when they are being unreasonable. Perhaps you can tell them that you are the one who is making sense. You are not selfish for wishing to go to law school. You are already trying your best. You have nothing to regret about, and no reason to allow others make you feel bad.
I know how it feels to be emotionally drained.
I hope I can help you "refill". ^_^
Hi m_whiz,
I am a writer and I research gift ideas for e-books on original gift ideas for Christmas and other events like Valentine's, Easter etc. I also organize gift ideas per receiver, like for babies, for kids, for teens, for grandparents, for dog lovers, for him, for her, etc Or I organize them by category like romantic gifts and inexpensive gifts. In my research I also go through blogs that mention gifts and gift ideas or events like Christmas. That is how I came upon your blog dismal balance of my life. I would appreciate if you would share just one successful gift idea with me, for instance a Christmas gift for a dad. I hope that my question doesn't annoy you. And I apologize if it does. I thought if I'd just ask enough people I'd wind up with plenty of good ideas to share with others again. That is what networking is all about, right? Or let's call it the spirit of Christmas. Let me know if I can do something for you. You can find my free e-books with gift ideas here: http://www.100mostoriginalgiftideas.com. God bless.
Chevalier Blanc
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