Sunny Day

I am sick of hearing myself complain about my thesis. So, even though there is nothing good to report on that front, I am going to stop taking about it. Period.

Beautiful, gorgeous, wish-I-were-tanning-at-a-beach kinda day. I was sitting in the backyard for about half an hour, trying to get some colour on the pale, hidden-all-winter skin. But then I got bored. Went out for sushi for Mother's Day today. For once my mom didn't yell at me for getting her a present, which was nice. Usually it's the damned if you do, damned if you don't variety with gift-giving and her.

I just finished reading Cause Celeb, the book Helen Fielding wrote before the whole Bridget Jones phenomenon. It was a good, fun read, and makes me want to go work in an NGO in Africa for a while. That's how bored I am with my life. Next on the list is Shake Hands with the Devil.

One of my friends does something she calls Joy Sadhana. It is basically an exercise in self-evaluation, and being grateful. Since I've been kinda stick in a bout of negativity lately, I thought maybe I should try it. Nothing like living in an age of self-help ;) So, here we go:

5 Good Things
It is really suppose to be 5 Good Things Today, but I think that's stretching it a little, so I'm just going to generalize to it my life at this point.

1. Windsor - no matter what, I am going to Law School in the Fall, and that's something I'm really happy about. It's not without baggage, between the emotional from my family, the financial from, well, reality, and the occasitional self-doubt about whether I can really do well there. But still, looking forward to it, especially since it's something I've thought about, on and off, for a very long time now.

2. Cadets - I was talking to my cousin yesterday while we went on a bike ride, just about life and growing up and where he should go to university (he is in grade 11), and he asked me whether I've ever thought about what life would be like if I'd never come to Canada. The first thing that came to my mind was cadets. I don't know what my life would have been like if I'd never become a cadet. The organization is undoubtedly the single most important influence in my life, for the past 10 years now. That is not to say that if I'd never gotten involved, I won't have learned the skills or developed the self-confidence through some other means. I'm just tremendously grateful for what it did do for me. 7 years as a cadet, almost 4 as an officer now, and I am still learning everyday.

3. Family - I know, I know, you must think I am crazy to be thankful for my crazy family. But who knows what I would have been like without them? How much of the good in me is because of them? (and, of course, how much of the bad?) For the most part, I like who I am right now. And they have been there from day one, so at least some credit is due there, right?

4. My brain - heh! I'm not saying I'm especially smart or gifted, but at least my brain is a tool and an asset to my life. I know my thinking is weird at times (okay, a lot of the time), but still I'm happy to be able to think those weird thoughts. I read Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time by Mark Haddon a couple weeks ago. If you haven't come across this book yet, go check it out. It might make you grateful for your brain too. Which means, I guess, I should really be protecting it with a helmet or something when I go biking.

5. You - for reading, for participating and acting as a witness to my life. For tidbits of wisdom and the smiles and encouragement. I'm so glad for what the internet has done for us closet introverts, giving us a forum to express those things we'd never say out loud.

3 Things I Did Well
Again, it is suppose to be specific to 'today', but, in general:

1. This - I'm glad I took the time to take stock of my life. It's not when life is going well that you need faith, right?

2. Teach - whether it's math class or cadets, in the classroom or in the interaction, I feel like I'm contributing to my students' lives. Positively.

3. Calgary - haven't really done this yet, but at least I'm planning to go. I want something, and I'm going to try to get it. For myself. I know that I've not really good at doing things for myself. I mean, I have no trouble shopping, or slacking off, but the last couple months especially, I've had to really challenge myself in considering what matters in my life. I've had to force myself to take ownership more, and shape my life instead of react to things that are happening to me. So, even though some vocal people in my life have expressed their disapproval of this trip, I'm going to go. Sometimes you just have to risk wearing your heart on your sleeve.