Hurry Up, Friday!

It is not that I want to leave - I have a lot that I like here. Friends that actually care, my own bed and space, a reasonably meaningful job, and food cooked for me. All of which are luxuries that I won't have once I get home. Thank God I'm leaving for school again in two weeks. Anyway, I was assigned to escort one of the buses of cadets at the end of camp, so instead of leaving early Sat morning, I'll be going Friday after supper. And that's exactly what I need. The level of drama has reached epic proportion. But at the same time, I think I'm finally starting to realize that this was never meant to be. No matter how hard we try, how stubborn we are, how much we want this, or how many people have faith in us, at the end of the day, I'm insecure and he can't provide me with the reassurance I need. I know he loves me, but not in the way I need him to. If you get burned enough times eventually you have to admit that even the temporary warmth is not worth getting barbecued for. I just have to let that small hope die, crush it out, stomp on it 'til it's gone. It's the only way I can get on with my life. So even though I'm sad to leave, and will miss Cold Lake cuz this could very well be my last summer, I'm begging Friday to hurry up and pull me out of this emotional black hole.