I have discovered that I have this somewhat unnatural habit of, not just preparing for the worst and disappointment, but actually forcing myself to accept it as reality before it actually comes to be. Is this a defense mechanism against showing emotions when the outcome actually happens? Do I just want to be perceived as level-headed that I pre-emptively feel and react alone, so it will seem like I'm in control when it actually happens? But that's really bad, 'cuz then people think that things don't matter to me, when they really do. So much so that I don't want you to see how much.
Then, on those rare occasions that I was actually wrong, and the best things transpire; the joy is unparalleled.
I am discovering that I'm really as odd if not more than I ever thought I am.
2 comments:
I would call that "preparing for the worst" to the exteme. You don't see it in a lot of people because not many are as strong as you (are or wished to be). It's a bit of a trade off, but in a long run, you should be better off as things are always "the worst". As for the not showing part, most of the time, you are better off not showing anyway. It's a cruel world. I think I am quite similar as well. People tend to say I think too much.
i can actually relate to u a bit on this... i tend to do the same thing, myself - in part, so that i'm really happy if things do come out better than i had hoped and also, so i can feel sorry for myself... i like self-pity... i'm sick... at least u're not doing it for sick reasons :) ...
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