getting laid-over

Picked up Marc from the airport today on his 3 hours layover en route to New York. We drove down to Fort York at the Christmas Training Course and met up with more Cold Lake alumni. Good times. =)

I forgot pants

In my exhilarated glee of being done exams today, I quickly packed for home. These are the things I forgot:

- to pack pants. mere tops are not sufficient, even if it's still above zero here
- to water or bring home my plants
- to pay rent

I am sure more will hit me on the way, but for now I'm just happy to say that I'm halfway done law school!

xmas in the apt

In a lull on the War on Exams, this is what we made:





This is the gingerbread house, with part of the left roof already chewed off.



These are the GingerPeople who live in the house.


These are leftover candies:

And this if our tree! In case you are wondering, there is a Jagermeister blinky light hanging on it. The rest of the decorations are Homies from $1 machines. They are hung with elastic bands around (unfortunately) their necks. On the top is a fat guy sitting on a couch eating a drumstick. I couldn't get a picture of sufficient resolution of him to show though. Happy Holidays!

new notebook!

My old laptop decided to go blind, right in the middle of exams, so after some extensive shopping around in Toronto and Windsor, I got this:







It runs about a million times faster, and it's so compact and cute (12"). Now I must stop playing with it and actually write my last paper.

losing sight

I know it's terribly passive-aggressive to say "I'm disappointed" instead of "I'm upset" in a relationship. It's been a couple days but I still can't get myself to blog about it. I do know that I am losing vision of where this relationship is going. And that makes me incredibly sad.

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OT: in Toronto for the week studying for exams, plus hunting for a new laptop. Mine decided to not show me anything on the screen anymore, and only occasionally charge.

Religion Fair

Today was the culmination of this event that I've been working on all term. My sister made that poster for me (in about 2 seconds). The event went off really well, even though it wasn't too big. Had lots of good conversations with students, and very civil and cordial participants who were all eager to learn more about each other. It's a good day when you can have a Wiccan booth next to the Buddhist, next to the Christmas, next to the Muslim.

blogger beta

I just switched to blogger beta. Not sure what the difference is, except things are put in different places now. Currently flooded with end of term papers. Mark on your calendars that I've having a birthday dinner Jan 5th. Plenty of notice - no excuses from anyone!

Something Good

Finally. I got selected to represent the school in the Laskin Moot Competition. It's like a supervised study, which culminates in a competition instead of an exam or paper. Super excited. More details to follow.

It's Official

I only look good on paper.

After two more exhausting interviews in Toronto, that I thought went well, I still don't have a job. As least one of the firms had the courtesy to call and tell me that. I don' t know what to do - why don't people like me once they meet me in person?

movie talk

I want to see Stranger_than_Fiction. I don't like Will Ferrell much, but he won me over as Ricky Bobby. I know the buzz is all over Borat, but, seriously? I remember hearing some critical acclaim over Babel, but mostly, I like my entertainment light and fluffy.

Spooky

Jonathan carved this for me. Prizes for anyone who can guess what it's suppose to be!

Not Knowing

I got an email today that says that one of the firms that I met with at the on-campus interview doesn't have the availability to meet with me for a full length interview. It's not that big a deal, because obviously they are eliminating people at every stage of the process. And I'm not even depressed or particularly frantic but the summer job yet. I think I've mostly recovered from Vancouver, and now am just trying to deal with things as they come.

I feel that the bar keeps getting set higher and higher, and I am starting to doubt my ability to keep clearing it. It is not that I have never experienced failure before; of course I have. But now things that really matter are harder to accomplish, and many things are a lot scarier than they are or should be.

Faith is about believing without knowing though, right? So I've gotta believe that it'll be okay, and both sunshine and rain lie always ahead.

No Dice

It's the end of the week, and I haven't heard from from the Dept of Justice, so I have to admit that I didn't get the gig. I had my first interview on Monday at 3pm, and they called me back at 5:30pm to go back on Tuesday, 8am for a second interview. There were 2 interviewers in the first, and 4 interviewers in the second. I blew that 2nd one though, big time. I've never messed up something so badly. I named a BC case, and then proceeded to discuss an ON one as if it were the BC one. What a mess. I was kicking myself as soon as I walked out of there. I know it was great to get a second interview, and it's good experience, and blah blah blah, but I really wanted it, and it was pretty expensive to go out there. I'm just disappointed with myself, it's all.

The boy is being extra supportive and sweet though. He sent flowers to my hotel in Vancouver! It's one year soon. =)

not me

Couldn't sleep 'til around 2am last night, after driving through a brief snow storm to get into Toronto from Windsor. It feels like late November. Got up at 7am, got into Hamilton around 9am. Had a coffee and a fruit bowl, and read the papers to sound smart at my 10:30am interview. Met with 4 interviews, each for about 30mins. Good conversations, nice people, glorious 4-storey converted from old fashion bank building as an office. I'm estimating that they are interviewing around 20 students, to fill 1-2 spots.

I can't work there.

I realized today just how not cut out I am for private practice. The firm specializes in 'recovery', meaning they represent all the banks in Canada to kick people out of their houses when they default on their mortgage payments. Farmers who put up their houses as collaterals are out of luck with this bunch should their farm fails.

I don't think corporations, banks, insurance companies, etc don't deserve top notch legal representation. Their causes are no less just even though it's profit-oriented. They need and have fantastic people doing their work.

I just can't stomach it.

Which puts a lot more pressure on for this Dept of Justice interview on Monday in Vancouver for me. If I don't get a job with the government, I don't know what I'd want to do instead. I don't even know if I'd want to practice law then. I don't mean to sound dramatic, but I owe it to myself to be who I'm meant to be. And that's not easy with the very definition of success in the entire field seems to be business law in a national firm.

more news

I slept in this morning, which is nothing new, but when I open an eye and turned out my cell at 10am, I got a call from a Hamilton firm, offering me an interview! So this is going to be crazy: Oct 13 Hamilton interview, Oct 15 fly to Vancouver, Oct 16 Vancouver interview, Oct 17 fly back to Toronto, Oct 18 Toronto firms interviews on campus in Windsor. Ahh!!

Hopefully something will magically transform itself into a job. =)

Interviews Baby!!

So after much agonizing of clicking the Send/Receive button of my Outlook Express about a gazillion times around noon, I finally got the emails that says I have 4 interviews for Toronto firms. But I was totally bummed out all day, 'cuz none was them was from Dept of Justice Toronto. This bummy haze continue, as we find out from subsequent emails that the system is finicky, so we might not have received all the emails we were suppose to be getting. I went to school to check, in hopes that there is a DOJ interview for me in there, but no, just the four firms I had got. Bummy, bummy, bummy 'til 6pm, when I got a call, area code (604).

THE COOLEST NEWS EVER: Department of Justice Vancouver granted me an interview!!!

So I'll be flying out there the weekend of Oct 14th. I'm so freakin' excited.

freaky weekend

We find out whether we made the first cut for Toronto summer job applications next week. I just got a "thanks for your interest, you're on our alternate list to interview" email today, so it's looking a little scary. It's not that my dream is to work on Bay Street - but I'd like the option, you know? Department of Justice (where I really want to be) is only hiring 8 summer students, and, you know, I'm good, but am I that good?! I shouldn't let other people define success for me, but I've also never been much of a rebel. It's like, you can tell me that rank doesn't matter, as long as you give me the rank, you know?

Saturday is the end-of-orientation Carbolic Smoke Ball, and I've managed to convince my boyfriend to go. The event was our first 'date' last year. The one that he took me too, and didn't find out that I had a boyfriend at the time until we were in a cab on the way there. Yeah. =) Anyway, we had a little meltdown a couple days ago, but things are good now, and it's been 11 months, which makes it the longest relationship I've never been in. Sad ('cuz I'm 24!) but true.

Sunday, we are planning on checking out a town in Michigan called Birch Run. Apparently the town is basically a huge outlet mall, with a village that's Christmas year 'round. Shopping is therapeutic and nerve-calming, right?

The way it looks right now, I will be in Toronto for 3 of the 4 weekends in October, between Thanksgiving, a conference planned by my friend at Mac, and a field training exercise for cadets. One of those might have to go, and I'm feeling that it might have to be the last, though it pains me. For someone still on slate, I haven't done much at all for the squadron lately. In my defence, it's 4 hours away.

I'll have news Tuesday, hopefully, good or devastating. Keep you posted.

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p.s. my thoughts are with you, Nikki.

The Good & the Bad

The Good

My sister has just been offered a full time job at Matchstick after working there on contract. Yay!

The Bad

My grandmother in Shanghai passed away last night. Not really close to her, but still.

no interviews

I applied to six Vancouver firms which are interviewing students in Toronto, but didn't get a single interview. This worries me a bit, 'cuz I really thought I had a good chance of getting at least a couple. Now I think I've over-estimated the merit of my application.

We find out about the Toronto firms at the end of the month. What if I don't get any interviews then either? What am I going to do? I don't want to be one of those third-years still looking for articles at this time next year. I've applied to 19 Vancouver firms and 27 Toronto ones. Surely someone will want to hire me for next summer?

back to school!

So excited to be starting my penultimate year. This term, I only have 13 hours of classes per week, so it's going to be great. I'm also working as a Work/Study student at the Human Rights Office, and the Student Rep for Carswell (a legal text/search engine co.).

Surfside

My sister's got new digs. I hear there is a party going on there next week. I summoned all my engineering skills and built an IKEA bookcase for her.


Move-In

Last Saturday, I moved my cousin to Bates Hall at Mac, on the most miserable, thunderstorming day possible Of course the line up for room keys took an hour, and then we had to go to Wal-Mart to get some more stuff. He seems excited to be there though, which is good. Afterwards, I met up with my friend and her finance at Mississauga for dinner. They brought a house together! I feel so young.


Relationship Dilemma du jour

How pissed am I allowed to get if he asks me whether he can go visit his ex's parents, because he misses them?

Last Day at Work!

In about 11 minutes, I'll be free!

Going to T.O. for the weekend before school starts again.

God is a Cornrolled Head

I had this dream last night, and it was a Bruce Willis a la 12 Monkey type thing. We were in the huge museum, with two reactor tanks of heavy water or whatever, and the idea is that there is a bomb (what else) in that water, and the whole place, with thousands of people, blows up when the specialists finally find out where the bomb is and tries to deactivate it. The thing is, it keeps blowing up, and every time we are returned to some earlier point in time, and the trick is to figure out where the bomb is sooner every time, and, you know, not blow anyone up.

I was there with my aunt and cousins, possibly my mom and grandmother, and I kept running straight to where the bomb is (it’s at the conductor’s stand in the concert hall), and seeing how it turns out. Everyone watches in tense anticipation for the divers to go into this heavy water tank, to deactivate the thing shaped like a giant black woman’s head with cornrolls. I guess we figure that there is no point is running, ‘cuz if the bomb goes off, we will all be dead anyway. So I’m pretty high up, and at the most intense moment, I threw a poker chip into the other tank (the one the divers weren’t in), and the crowd gasped and stared at me. But the divers went into the other tank to retrieve that chip, and then deactivated the bomb successfully this time. I believe it had to do with the timing and delay because they were retrieving my chip. The woman’s head thing rose out of the water, and somehow we knew it was God. The crisis is over, and people jumped into the heavy water tank to swim in jubilation. I hugged my cousin and said to the younger one, “Remember this day forever”.

I’ll let you draw your own conclusions as to how wacked my brain is.

The other day, I was biking and approaching a Don't Cross sign flashing (yeah, I was biking on the sidewalk), but when I zoomed into the intersection, the sign changed back to Green for Crossing. Ever since then I've been thinking that I have super powers.

What If PMS is Who We Really Are?

I know, I know. All summer I have been going through all these mood swings of discontentment with my life, and in particular with my boyfriend. I can’t seem to understand it, but if Cosmos says it’s PMS, who am I to question that? Then, a thought hit me today: What if that’s who I really am? The bitchy, jealous, conniving control-freak of a woman – what if that’s my true self? What if the real me only come out during those times of hormone-induced liberation from the everyday mask I try to keep hidden under? What if I’m like that prince from The Silver Chair (Narnian Chronicles, Book Six), who only remembers who he is outside the witch’s spell for one hour a day, at which time he is bound to the Silver Chair to keep him from escaping home? What if all that I am, unattractive though it may be, is what I am when I’m PMS-ing? How can you go through life like that, only being yourself a week a month??!!

I wish I'd listen to the Hitchhiker

In a spurt of productivity last night, we decided to work on our summer applications for next year. Now I'm terrified. The stats is that most big Bay Street firms receive about 700+ applications, interview 20 on each Ontario campus in October, and then invite about 40 for a second interview in November, to hire 10-15 students. The Vancouver firms get about 300+ app's each. Keep in mind, these are the biggest firms. Just Ontario schools have about, I don't know, 200 second year students each? Plus out of province ones. Anyway, I guess now is about as good a time to panic as any.

introspection only kills lysosomes

Today at work I was googling “Non-Traditional Law Careers”. I don’t know why. I’m never been one to deviate from the mainstream or go explore an alternative anything. Never skipped a step, never pulled any punches. Just a good, rule-abiding kid. Never been exceptional or singled out for advancement or development. Just normal.

The thing is, I would never not article,or use my law degree ‘in a variety of other fields”. Give me a break. I paid the bucks and did my time, I want every prestige and reward I can afford.

I looked at the McGill, Western and UT career services websites, and they say to do a ‘self-assessment’ to see where you might fit well. And as I think back, the things that I still define myself by are not that different than in high school. wtf? This is two degrees, a commission, and three cities later. I guess we all start developing our identifies in those turbulent teenage years. And there are things fundamental to us that do not change and blah, blah, blah. I still have faith that I will turn out to be who I’m meant to be, but maybe it’ll take longer than I thought if I haven’t grown all that much than from when I’m 17. Okay, I’d like to think I’m wiser now, and more experienced, and totally not like that frosh who is going to arrive on campus bright-eyed bushy-tailed in 3 weeks, and of course I am sure that I am not that person anymore, but who am I now? I’ve still got two more years of school to go. I like school, but maybe that’s ‘cuz I don’t know anything different, and boring summer experiences are not an indication of anything. I think I can do well in law. I just want to start doing it now. Or never, if that'd not what I'm suppose to be doing.

talk with dad

My mom called my dad a couple days ago, and found out that my grandmother (in Shanghai) has been in and out of the hospital for the past month. She's over 90, and she's not lucid anymore. My dad says he's been working 24 hours a day for the past 6 weeks, because she is sick. It's sad and disheartening, but mostly my mom was disappointed and a little mad that my dad didn't bother to call to tell her that she's been sick. Anyway, that aside, my grandmother is in a seniors' home now. And as much as possible, I try to leave my parents' issues theirs alone.

Had a really good conversation with my dad though. We almost didn't speak for a year after I made the decision to go to law school. Not really by design, we just don't talk much, and I've avoided even those few opportunities that have presented themselves. Anyway, he asked about my studies and work and life, and I told him a little about course selection and my boyfriend, so it was a good start. I know this sounds ridiculous, but interacting with my dad is a little like interacting with an ex for me. I'd send emails, and won't get any responses; but when he does talk to me, I'm all excited and blogging about it. No wonder my social skills with the opposite sex is wacked.

for a good smoothie

Finally got the blender I wanted:
I have searched high and low, and compared prices, and such, but as luck would have it, the one that I wanted (this one), went on clearance price for $49.93, from $99.93. So I finally have one, right in time for this nasty heat wave. It also comes with a chrome jug, presumably for ice crushing. Very cool.

I am taking this Thursday and Friday off for a seminar in Toronto called Preparing to Practice in the Vancouver Bar. Then it's long weekend, so another mini-vacation for me. Then when I come back, it'll just be three weeks 'til school starts. Can't wait. I've got two part-time jobs for the fall, maybe another if I take on cadets again. We shall see.

My boyfriend's parents put up this mesh around our balconey for us, to keep out the pigeons, so now it looks like we live in a birdcage. What's worse, the little buggers still find a way to get in, but have no idea how to get out now. I've duct-taped everything I can reach, so hopefully I won't be coming back to starved bird carcass next Monday.

back to reality

Had a relaxing vacation in Scarborough. Met up with a couple friends, saw A Comedy of Errors at Shakespeare in the Park, did some shopping, and went to a info session on applying for Toronto summer jobs next year. Played a concert in Pelee Island, and had a house guest for the weekend - so grown up. Back in Windsor now, in the office, trying to look busy 'cuz the boss doesn't look that happy.

Did the rest of my course selection this morning. I'm taking (for anyone interested): Torts, Freedom of Religion, Constitutional Litigation and Public International Law in the Fall, and Family Law, Business Association, Child and the Law, Commercial Law: Sales and... oh God, I've forgetten what the last one is already. Oh yeah - Civil Procedure. I figure I'll take a lighter Fall term to make time for all the summer applications that will be due, plus to recover from the summer. I know I just came back from vacation, but four months of the office is really taking its toll. Anyway, I'm sure I'll be crying about having to write five exams next April.

Things are great at our little apartment. I think me being away for a week gave us both some space and perspective, and a chance to miss each other. When you are realize you can't be away from each other for a week, it gives some more defined shape of what the future holds. =)

T.O.

I've been home for a week now, and am heading back to Windsor this afternoon. I haven't really realized how self-conscious I can be, but it is nice to be invisible in a crowd here. Being Chinese is nothing special in Scarborough, but sometimes in Kingston and Windsor, it still feels weird.
More later.

One more day

... until my week in Toronto vacation! I am soooo looking forward to this. I started working days after my last exam, so I haven't really had a break yet. This will be nice. I can already taste the sushi and dim sum and no getting up in the morning.

I've finished all my assigned work (mostly - some stuff I just don't know where to file), and my boss is away on vacation, so I just need to make it through tomorrow, and hit the road on sweet, sweet Saturday. Let me know if you are in town/free.

this life is taking its toll on me

I want to be at camp! The course is just starting now, and I want to be there, not here. Here is nice, but there is more fun. I miss my friends, I miss the frostbite mornings and scorching afternoons. I miss the mandatory fun mess night. I miss the flight line. I miss the school. I miss calling a fold-out table my 'office', and I miss brainwashable staff cadets. Wah! I want to be at camp.

Is it just human nature that we want what we can't/don't have? I remember the hell that was last summer, yet I want to go back for more. Not more hell, but everything except that gruesome relationship was good. I want to complain about the heat instead of sitting in an air-conditioned office typing. I want to work with people instead of files.

Is it awful to say that this is almost exactly what I want from life? Almost. So close that if you don't look too intently, it's almost exactly it. I could have gone to England this summer, or done an intensive one month of French immersion at U of Sask, and then headed off to camp like always, and made more money that way. But instead I'm here doing a job that I really, really hope is going to help my career. I remember making a decision like this once, turning down being a returning staff cadet to Cold Lake, and going on Power instead, and that didn't work so well. Why can't I stop my obsessive-compulsively planning and scheming and just live a little?

Is it awful to say that he is almost exactly who I want? Are the little things just details that you learn to compromise with to have mostly what you want, or is it pointing to something more fundamentally wrong? We were talking about future goals, and he said that he will not move to Toronto just so I can work on Bay Street. We both want to go to Vancouver, and I want to work for the government, so it shouldn't even be an issue. But just the finality he said that with; I guess I have my answer, should I ever have to make that choice. And yesterday, my sister is going on vacation and asked me to watch her dog, and when I mentioned it to him, he goes, "You didn't say yes already, did you? I live here too". Again, not a big deal 'cuz I didn't promise my sister, but weren't we talking about getting a dog about a month ago? And why does he think that he should always come first between my family and I? I understand he lives there too - I just thought he'd be more open to the idea of me helping out my sister if she needed. Which is what essentially the Bay Street discussion was about. I have responsibilities to my parents, to providing for them, and I think 'living your dream' is a luxury, one that he can afford because his parents are retired and self-sufficient and don't depend on him to take care of them after he graduates. Again, just little things, but it drives me nuts.

Life is a battle for me, but a joyride for him.

O Canada!

Hope you find your parade and fireworks to celebrate, wherever you are!

My Pig Personality

Try this, and then discover my inner pig.

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You drew your pig:

Toward the middle of the frame, you are a realist.

Facing front, you are direct, enjoy playing devil's advocate and neither fear nor avoid discussions.

With few details, you are emotional and naive, you care little for details and are a risk-taker.

With 4 legs showing, you are secure, stubborn, and stick to your ideals.

The size of the ears indicates how good a listener you are. You are a GREAT listener.

The size of the tail indicates how good is your sex life. You have a good sex life.

22 on 22

It's my baby sister's birthday! Happy 22nd, and 1st to your Cob-Cob. =)

Point Pelee

In an act of spontaneity that rarely hits an 'old married couple' like us (we are extremely boring people), we decided to drive to Point Pelee after work yesterday. It's about an hour away, and the cool, evening breeze made it a pleasant drive. Once there, we discovered that the shuttle bus that takes us to the actual southern tip of Canada had stopped running for the night. So we decided to hike the 2.5km to the tip, and it was totally worth it.

I stand corrected

His idea of clean, is really clean. Now if I can only harass that technology as a weekly routine instead of every six weeks, we'd be good.

So bored - it's ridiculously hot out. I think I need to go shopping.

I am lost

I was writing in my journal today (yes, I keep a paper one too), and I realized how screwed up my life has been this year. And every couple weeks I seem to have an internal battle with myself as to whether I am happy or not. If I'm the type who liked drama in a relationship, we'd be having a fight every couple days because of my crippling insecurities.

I don't understand it. Everything is great, yet I'm not sure whether I'm trying to convince myself that I'm happy or that I am not. My sister once asked me whether this was my Great Love. That was another time and in another relationship, but still I wonder: do I want passion or security? I don't doubt that we care a great deal about each other, but is this the 'til-death-do-us-part kind of love? And if it isn't, should that be a deterrent in continuing the relationship? I think the trouble is that I have a roadmap for my life, and I seem to be (unfairly) just trying to audition guys for that complementary role so I can have my happily ever after shortly after graduation, and my 2.3 kids preferably before I'm 32. I want the SUV and the picket fence. Do I want him?

I don't know where this doubt is coming from. Nothing has changed between us. I just seem to be allergic to happiness, and have never learned contentment. I could blame this on an X who really screwed up my perspective on relationships. But it might be easier just to blame myself.

We were listening to a recording of Siyahamba at band practice today, and I just feel lost.

Good Weekend

I haven't been back to Toronto since before exams, which was two months ago. So I drove, drove, drove for 4 hours, battling traffic and construction, and got back around 9:30pm on Friday night. It was my mom's birthday, so my sister and I went out to lunch with her on Sunday. It was also Annual Inspection for 110, and going back there to see all my friends, and the cadets growing up impossibly fast, is also a gratifying experience. Lots of alumni returned this year, and it was really nice to see some of my former cadets turn up in junior officer uniforms. I got to present an award and do some promotions, so it's almost like I never left. This was the 11th 110 Annual I've attended (missed the one in 2000), and it's hard not to reminiscence and think about being kids not so long ago, and all the responsibilities we shoulder now. Ever onward.

birthday & marks

We celebrated his 25th birthday on Wednesday with dinner at Hikari. Yummy raw fish!

We also got our first year marks yesterday. I was hoping for two A's, but alas, it was not to be. Just one for Constitutional. However, I was shocked that I somehow managed a B+ in Criminal, which means that I must have begged, borrowed or stolen an A on that final exam. You just never know with these things. Oh well, good enough, I guess. Totally beat my boyfriend though. ;)

Going to Toronto this weekend for 110 Annual, and my mom's birthday.

Chip

After me asking - well, more like begging - for a week, we went to the SPCA after work yesterday. That's where we met Chip. How cute is he! He's a one year old stray who's never been trained, so he's a little ADHD. But fun. So for all his whining and reluctance, guess who liked the dog better? (We haven't adopted him, btw, but thinking about it)

Are we ready for a dog? Probably not. I know it's a big responsibility. And when dishes and laundry can be points of contention, taking care of another living being is not such a good idea. But there is an appeal to having some thing together, joint custody if you will. Want to feel grown up - that we have responsibilities. That we can establish some permanence to the relationship.

Don't get me wrong. Despite all my complaining here, things are going well between us. Surprisingly so, considering I haven't lived with anyone else in a while, and never a significant other. I don't want to make him feel like he is auditioning for some role of future whatever with me, but I also want to know that the possibility is there, and real. I want to feel that we are ready for the responsibility, even if it's not practical or realistic right now.

Heat Wave

Thank God his parents bought us two air-conditioners and even came to install it. It's disgusting here in Windsor. Smelliness is so much worse when coupled with 30+ humidex. Just rain already! Was rollerblading by the riverside last night, and the blasts of cool breeze from the water was nice though. Almost felt like Vancouver.

I've been having a series of dreams about getting arrested, and me trying to explain to the police that I can't have a record, 'cuz I'm a law student. I guess the trauma of being pulled over by a cruiser is finally beginning to take its toll.

TTC
I read on the Globe that the last TTC strike was in 1999, and I clearly remember it. I was going to the Ontario Science Centre Science School for a semester at the time, and my mom came to pick me up but then left without me when I took too long. So I waited there for 2 hours for her to get home and then get back there 'cuz I couldn't take a bus home. (sigh) high school memories.

eyes only

Do you give your blog URL to your significant other? I don't, and apparently that's just cause for a fight. Isn't a blog where you go complain about him/her? And when you are living with them, wouldn't you feel a little suffocated if you don't even have some webspace to yourself? His exact words were, "Oh, so it's private enough for the entire world but not for me." Am I being unreasonable? help?

it's a pigeon's world

Virtual Apartment Tour, Part 2

Here are pictures of the new apartment, as promised. The first is a view from the balconey. We are on the fifth floor, and currently battling a legion of pigeons.





This is my room. Shimmering bedskirt still in place, Rug of ants from IKEA. My desk is off to the left, just out of sight. My TV on his dresser that we share.

The living room, with another TV. Mostly his furniture, but of course, my X-Files poster.

The kitchen, his head poking around the corner, where his desk is. The thing on the right is the fridge door. We have an appliance table beside the counter, with toaster, coffee maker, rice cooker and toaster oven. The microwave sits on top of his filing cabinet.

Hope you enjoyed the tour. That couch in the living room is a pull out bed, so let me know if you want to visit! =)

Kincardine's Most Wanted

Yup, that's right, that's me. To say the weekend was eventful would be a gross understatement. Let me tell you about my grand adventure of Victoria's Day weekend.

Friday - after a full week of work, the boy really wanted to get up to his parents' cottage that night, and still he volunteered to drive, I can't really complain. So we went. Interesting, the most direct route Kincardine from Windsor is through Michigan I-94 E. We took the Ambassador Bridge, which is practically right outside our apartment. Right away, we were selected by a 'random computer selection' to have the car searched. How random it is, I cannot say. But let's just say the waiting room was disproportionately non-white. Anyway, it didn't take long, and we were on our way. When we cross back into Ontario at Port Huron-ish, we were going to stop for dinner. But nothing really appealed, so we kept going, and only stopped for gas. So by 10pm, we were about 5 minutes away from the cottage, and a police crusier pulled us over. Headlight out. Okay, no problem. Check license. Fine. Check registration. Not fine. Turns out that when we brought the car at the end of the lease last year, the license plate was not re-attached to the car at the Ministry of Transport. So, the car was declared unfit in front of the Kincardine Tim Horton's, and TOWED to the local police station. His mom came to pick us up where the police lights are.

Sat: a glimpse of hope - the MOT office is open 'til noon, rather than not 'til Tuesday as expected. But in order to reattached the plates on, we need a safety and emissions test. It's already 11:30am, and the person working (the office is the front part of her home) is going away from the weekend, so she might get back in time on Monday to get me on the road again, if I can get the safety test. Off to Canadian Tire. No appointment. I begged. Okay, 1pm. Call the police station to release the car - no one there. When two officers arrived, they let us drive to Canadian Tire. Yeah, not so unfit. Anyway, did the test, did not pass. Front exhaust pipe leaking. Oh God. Estimate for repairs, $400 plus parts. And the part needs to come from Owen Sound, if they have it, which of course, no one will know 'til Tuesday.

So basically, his parents took charge is give us one of their cars to drive back. Of course my mom freaked. We are going back next weekend to hopefully get my car back and return his parents.

Will post pictures later.

grey's anatomy

A three-hour two-parter season finale! Okay, I will concede the prom stuff is a little contrived, but the rest was so awesome. Plus, even the prom storyline let to that fantastic scene of Bailey deciding everything in about 30 seconds. The Denny storyline was sad, but the 'right' ending, I guess. *sniffle* And of course, how HOT was that Meredith/McDreamy scene. Okay, I'm done geeking out.

Troy
Went to the Somerset Collection Mall in Troy, MI on Sunday. Think Yorkdale, but even more upscale. More like Boca Raton. Saks Fifth Avenue, Cartier, William-Sonoma, and lots others that you can see but wish they'd knock a couple zeros off the price tag. Got a long skirt from Eddie Bauer, and the boyfriend got some work clothes there too, with the extraordinary and flaming help of one of the sales associates. I convinced him to get a green stripe shirt, to get away from his usual blue/grey/black. He went to the Tools concert last night in Detroit. Needless to say, I wasn't there.

Work
Continues. I'm starting to remember how tiring working is. But school is tiring too. I'd rather be school-tired though. I'm that kind of geek.

forgot to blog about this

Having been a FComd twice, I am of course no stranger to the ER. I just didn't expect to get there so early in the summer. Windsor Regional Hospital has airplane-type recliner chairs in the waiting room, but that still doesn't make 6 hours go by any faster.

My boyfriend's sick, and we don't know what's wrong with him. He was on an IV on Sat night, and had x-rays and ultrasounds, but still no idea of how to fix him. He went to his first day at work on Monday, and stayed home yesterday and today. And why is it that I am so annoyed by this?

I know he is sick - I'm just not a compassionate person, nevermind girlfriend. It takes a lot for me to miss work, and I don't think he'd hit that threshold of pain. I'm a terrible person. I guess maybe part of it is just that I want to get our new apartment sorted out, and I want to do fun things after work, and not sit quietly so as to not disturb his fits of naps.

Why am I like this? I wasn't neglected as a child or unsympathetic to the plight of human suffering. I just hate weakness. And anything that requires me to be extra nice, the babysitting/homemaker type girlfriend. Take your pills and go to work! I know, I'm going to rot in hell.

only summer students...

get job descriptions like:
- legal research
- filing
- drafting contracts
- delivering letters
- photocopying
- filing claims at the court house

and my favourite assignment so far: draw one-inch lines in stenopads that the lawyer uses as docket timesheets instead of the computer like any other normal person.

They don't pay me enough.

my idea of clean

... is obviously different from his. He just left for home for a couple days, and I finally got the chance to CLEAN the place. I'm not a obsessive-compulsive neat freak, that everything needs to be inspection-ready (I've come a long way from my SL days, I'm proud to say), but still - THE MOP WAS STILL IN ITS ORIGINAL PACKAGE! His mom obviously stocked his cleaning supply, and there are product of every kind. Combined with my stuff, we've got about 50 rolls of toilet paper, 10 pots of every size, 2 microwaves - you get the idea. I have to give him credit for this though: the kitchen is spotless. Ah, I love that my man loves to cook. (spares me the agony) We almost had a fight on the very first day on the 'right' way to do laundry though. Let's see how we'll love our way out of this. The place is at least organized now. Hopefully the two-bedroom apartment in the building will be available sooner rather than later.

blah
Feeling much like bad_captain does. Mixture of fear, relief, anticipation, exhaustion; readjusting to life that doesn't require you to read until your eyes bleed. I guess it's a good thing that I start work on Monday, so I won't have much time to get too bored. Still, university towns are not that much fun to be in during the summer, when all your friends are gone.

movie
Blockbuster is having a two used DVD for $20 sale, and I got my copy of RENT and Pride and Prejudice. Probably the best two movies I saw this past year. I like The Corpse's Bride too, but that movie has baggage because of who I saw it with. Do we ever escape our past? Not if they still leave weird messages at the middle of the night for you.

anticlimatic

to be done, but maybe it just hasn't hit me yet. It's hard to relax after an intense eight months. Plenty of physical labour to be done though, with moving into his apartment. Yeah, we're going to try it out for the summer. =) Start work on Monday.

so, not going to be a criminal lawyer

You know that sinking feeling that you get as you look at your exam paper, and realize it's more gibberish than anything else? Yeah, such is the fate of my crim exam. Three down, two to go. Come here, Wednesday!!

Exams: Ten Things I Hate About You

10. you happen twice a year, when I only get one birthday
9. you make me doubt my intelligence, self-worth, and reason for existing
8. you ruin the coming of spring
7. you interfere with Christmas shopping
6. you stress me out
5. you look nothing like the practice exams
4. you make me get up early and think at a time of day during which I'd rather be sleeping
3. you make me an emotional wacko
2. you conspire with the usually congenial profs
1. you determine my future

got job ;)

So around 3:30pm yesterday, I got a phone call from the law firm I was interviewing with, and got offered the position of summer assistant! I know I sounded desperately relieved, 'cuz I was like, "Yes, yes, yes - I accept!" Thank you, God. I am so glad to get this nailed down for the summer before exams. The details are still to be worked out on Wed, but right now, I'm just happy to be spending the summer in Windsor, with my boyfriend, and possibly living together (as he says, as a 'soft commitment' test-run for four months). In Toronto to get a change of scenery for a couple days. Will it help my studying? Nope, probably not. But it's doing wonders for my sanity.

open book exams are designed to mock

Had my last day of classes yesterday. Had a McChicken to celebrate. Yes, my life is sad. We have 10 days before the first exam. How much can you study and still feel like you don't know what's going on? It was pouring rain this morning, but now it's just crappy and gloomy. Still don't know what I'm going to do for the summer. I'm trying to not let that worry me during exams, but I can multitask at stressing myself out.

job interview

... from hell. Okay, okay, it wasn't that bad. Oh wait - it was. Have you ever been in an interview where they don't ask you anything? What the hell? For the entire 20 mins, I was thinking: do you want to re-schedule? 'Cuz unless I'm auditioning for looks or ethnicity, you've gotta ask me something to find out if I'm right for the job. And if you weren't interested in the first place, then why are we here? And please don't call me 'love'. We've just met. Yeah, thanks.

2 weeks

of classes left. It's not that I don't like school; but there is just so long one can keep this momentum up for.

V for Vendetta
I guess I liked it, but not really. Don't think I can see it again. I know it's suppose to be political commentary and blah blah blah, but seeing the orange jumpsuits and jail cells just reminded me of the POW research I was doing last year, and immediately the film stops being entertainment for me. I guess that's the point. Hugo Weaving does have an amazing physique in leather though.

Spectacle of Winds
We had our annual big concert at a downtown theatre yesterday, with the Stratford Concert Band. The conductor burnt us out at the morning dress rehearsal, so the actual concert didn't go as well as hoped for. It was still good, but, who does that? I certainly don't have the stamina to play the full repitoire stopping at every 10 bars, and then the whole thing again after an hour lunch. Anyway, it was okay. We played music from The Incredibles, The Perfect Storm and Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, among others.

Summer
After turning down the England exchange, I thought I'd be relieved. And I was for a while, not having to make that agonizing choice anymore, but now I'm lost as to what I'm going to do this summer. That anxiety is making me wish that I'd chosen England, so everything will be set now. I don't want to be bellyaching over this during exams.

Cob-cob
My sister is working in Windsor this week, and she is bringing her Jacob Two-Two. I'm so excited to see them. How serious are they when they say 'No dogs in the building'?

The West Wing
Oh, how I'm going to miss this show!

3 weeks

Three weeks of classes left. So tired. Just want this year to end, except I don't know what to do with my summer yet. I turned down Herstmonceux, for a bunch of reasons.

We are talking about Freedom of Religion in Constitution Law class now, and I wonder about some of the court decisions. Yes, no one should be persecuted for their beliefs, but does the state really need to shield the public for all religious practices, however remotely they may be linked to the state? Freedom of Religion, and freedom from Religion, yes. But when push comes to shove, shouldn't people have the strength of their beliefs, and be willing to defend it? Carry your cross, damn it.

I'm so tired.

This Is Why...

sumyunguy rocks:

"so to paraphrase, if you decide to go to England you will be out 10G, with nothing but experience for your future aspirations, and the experience of living in a castle, while you might have to work with a stalkerish ex while risking leaving the current one."

Spring Formal

I've never been to a dance stag before, and because my boyfriend decided to go to a concert with his buddy instead of the school formal with me (not that I really mind - he's just never going to hear the end of it), I went to my friends instead. It was pretty good. The decorations were gorgeous, Oscar-themed, cuz there were some teaching and student awards. However, security ended the party at midnight because people were sneaking booze in. So the party ended at midnight, and I didn't turn into a pumpkin. ;)

Unseasonably warm temperature - though lots of rain. Not quite April yet, some I'm not sure what March showers brings.

Layers of Me

Layer.one
Name: Michelle Kai
Birthdate: Jan 4, 1982
Birthplace: Hong Kong
Current location: Windsor, ON
Eyes: medium brown
Hair: brown with highlights by my sis
Height: 5'7"
Righty or Lefty: righty
Zodiac Sign: Capricorn

Layer.two
Your heritage: Chinese
Your weakness: musicians
Your shoes you wore today: haven't been outside today, so just my slippers
Your fears: that's I won't grow up to be who I really am
Your perfect pizza: Hawaiian at Pizza Hut
Goal you'd like to achieve: work at the UN

Layer.three
Your thoughts first waking up: what do I have to do today?
Your best physical feature: my drive to not let myself down
Your bedtime: 11:00-11:30pm
Your most missed memory: high school symphonic band

Layer.four
Pepsi or Coke: I never understood the difference, and don't really like either
McDonald's or Burger King: McDonald's (McChicken lover since I was old enough to finish one by myself)
Single or group dates: single
Adidas or Nike: Nike
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Nestea
Chocolate or vanilla: milk chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: Iced Cap

Layer.five
Cuss: the dialogue in my mind is often R-rated
Sing: yup, I know so much sappy lyrics by heart
Have a crush: yup
Think you've been in love: yes
Want to go college: can't seem to get out ;)
Want to get married: yes
Believe in yourself: I have to
Get motion sickness: cars, trains, planes, elevators, tire swings... you name it - there's a reason why I was such a bad pilot
Think you're attractive: I think confidence and self-assuredness are attractive, and I try to exude those
Think you're a health freak: nope, I live like a typical student
Get along with your parents: I haven't seen my dad in almost 3 years, and haven't talked to him in almost a year. My mom and I get along now that I'm away from home again.
Like thunderstorms: yes - I have this vision of watching one snuggled with my family by the fire beside the bay windows
Play an instrument: saxophone, trumpet, piano, some clarinet

Layer.six - in the past month
Gone to the mall: yes, I seeing people who I don't go to school with
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: no, I don't think I could ever do that
Eaten sushi: yes - yummy!
Been on stage: not since ballet recitals when I was 11
Gone skating: no - I'd like to though
Made homemade cookies: yup, baking on Sundays with my boy ;)
Gone skinny dipping: no
Dyed your hair: my sis did highlights for me
Stolen anything: just this survey from medori

Layer.seven - ever..
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: never
Been called a tease: yeah (I know, surprising)
Got beaten up: never

Layer.eight
Age you hoped to be married: 27
Number and name of children: 2, Zachary/Matthew... and I guess their daddy can pick the girl's names
Dream wedding: as long as it's the right person, the rest are just details
How do you want to die: in peace
Where do you want to attend college: I'm doing exactly what I want to do right now
Dream job: composer of movie scores... but I guess I'll settle for lawyer
Country you want to visit: France

Layer.nine - In a guy/girl...
Best eye color: blue/grey
Best hair color: brown
Short or long hair: short
Height: 6' +
Best weight: depends on height, I guess
Best clothing: whatever's comfortable and suitable for the occasion

Layer.ten
Number of drugs taken illegally: 0
Number of people I could trust with my life: under what circumstances?
Number of CDs that I own: 40-50?
Number of piercings: two, one in each earlobe
Number of tattoos: none
Number of times my name's been in the news: I wrote an article to the Kid's Page in the Toronto Star when I was in grade 6 and it was published
Number of scars on my body: supposedly one on my head from falling and stitches when i was 3 - I've never seen it
Number of things in my past that I regret: if things hadn't happened that way, I might not be here now. And I'm exactly where I want to be, so why should I regret anything?

I'm a mooter

I know this is extreme geeking out, but I did my first Moot Court presentation today, and I was awesome! =) Acting as Counsels for the Appellants, we had two issues to appeal between my partner and I, and I won on my point. It was tough and nerve-wrecking, facing a bench of 3 upper year students acting as judges firing questions at you for 15 minutes. But I did well. It's videotaped so hopefully I can get a copy. I love law school!

Herstmonceax Castle

So this is what I can be doing this summer. I just got an email acceptance today. May and June in the UK, July and August (hopefully) in Cold Lake -> sounds fantastic.

reading

I started reading a book called Status_Anxiety last night. It's pretty good. Haven't you ever had the crippling fear that you are screwing things up? I have. I also finished Adrian_Mole_and_The_Weapons_Of_Mass_Destruction recently. That was a hoot!

Back from Reading Week now, for the final 6 weeks of classes, and then 3 weeks of exams. Then, who knows what I'm going to do for the summer.

shadowing

Yesterday, despite the 5:15am start, was a most inspiring day. I job shadowed a Crown Attorney in the St. Thomas courthouse/police station all day. I was in bail hearings, and met a Justice of the Peace, saw Justices, Police, Crowns and Defence Counsels in action, and laid eyes on a first degree murderer. The youth offender cases were a little disheartening though. The coolest part is that my host lawyer was an air cadet and CIC officer too!

Screw the books, I want to start practicing law right now!

unstuck

Home now, courtesy of Avis. Ah Toronto, the Land of the Living. How I have missed thee.

stuck-ed

I'm suppose to be home right now. Or at least on my way home. It's reading week, but my car won't start last night. So now I'm stuck here in Windsor, waiting to find out what's wrong with said car, and for employer to call me back. I want to go home. This doesn't happen often, but I haven't been home since Christmas, and I really, really need to get out of Windsor. Seriously, I need to do some Toronto shopping. Blah.

grey's anatomy

I've been on this wagon since the series premiere, but last night, this little show about doctors and love won its place in my heart as my favourite TV 'appointment' program. You know I'm a diehard West Wing fan, but that's on hiatus right now, and they are pulling the plug at the end of the season (a decision I can live with). So Grey's Anatomy is my new love. Maybe I'll get the S1 DVDs tomorrow.

Catch My Breath

So finally handed the damn papers in, and had a cathartic Wal-Mart trip (I know, my life is sad) on Wednesday. Feels good after working almost camp-like hours for two weeks. Now I'm paper-free 'til April.

One week 'til Reading Week. Trying to get caught up in my readings this weekend so I can just coast next week. Plus there's a little something call Valentine's Day on Tuesday, so gotta slot some time for that. I haven't spent Valentine's Day in a relationship in 6 years. Sad but true.

Going home for a weekend on Reading Week, then job shadowing a 29 year old Crown Attorney(!) in London on Tuesday, here for a couple days, then road trip to Michigan with boyfriend (yes, we are sad and unimaginative, and broke). Plans to make oatmeal cookies this weekend. Two weeks ago we made brownies, and it was good.

Going to a Military Studies Conference tonight and tomorrow. The keynote speaker, Prof J.L. Granastein, practically wrote the book on Canadian military history. Should be good.

I killed another one of my goldfish. Fifth one since camp, I think, where I killed 4, at least.

"a little rant, and then I'll get to work"

It seems like I've been saying that quite a bit lately. I've had a frustrating week, and it took me a while to figure out why. It started off with my constitutional prof delivering an awesome lecture on freedom of expression last Thursday. I was totally engaged, and would have happily sat there all day listening to him. Then, the weekend of hell of writing my 25-page memo. On Tuesday, I think, I found out there is a Spring Term at the Castle in England that Queen's Law is offering courses in International Law through. I was so excited about it, and got all the stuff together for application, only to find out that Windsor won't transfer my credit even if I did go spend $10 000 for 2 months, doing exactly what I want to do (Int'l criminal law, int'l humanitarian law & public int'l law). And then there is the boyfriend, with whom things are generally going well, but the discussion of 'we should live together next year' keeps coming up.

I think the thing with school is that all of a sudden, listening to that lecture made me realize that I know stuff. That might sound crazy, but first year at law school can make you feel pretty ignorant. And then this int'l law thing... I just feel that maybe I already have all the skills I need to do what I want to do, so why the hell don't I just get out there and start doing it? I'm so tired of books and papers - do I really need this to do what I want to do?

The answer is, of course, yes.

But still, I feel like running away.

already?

February?! Really? Already?! The weeks are flying by - it's just the weekends with papers to write that seems to drag.

Happy New Year!

MSN has these adorable graphics and emoticon to celebrate the Year of the Dog. Wishing everyone the best.

Aren't Chinese smart to give you money to help you through the January blahs? ;)

inaction

I have this major paper due on Monday, and I am paralyzed into inaction. Why do I get like this? I know it has to get done, yet I ended up wasting the whole day yesterday. It is not a matter of 'needing the time pressure' or some other juvenile excuse. Am I just that afraid of trying? 'Cuz if I don't try, it's okay not to excel, right? But if I do, and it's still not good enough, then that's a reflection of my ability. Not sure what that says about me. I don't want to write.

kindness

I was having a really blah day yesterday. Actually, it was a little bipolar, alternating between blah and nervous breakdown. Jonathan's parents were visiting him, so I didn't want to intrude. I really wanted to go home next weekend for Chinese New Year, but I can't 'cuz of these (#*$&# papers. And then I started thinking about my mom not having once visited me here yet, and my dad not yet speaking to me anymore, and how I want to go home, but no where really feels like home anymore, and etc blah. But then Jonathan cooked me dinner, and his mom brought me a huge housewarming basket with lots of goodies (see below), and I got a belated birthday present in the mail (bracelet and Dead Like Me S2), and everything is going to be alright.

Two's Better Than One

My sister came to visit me yesterday, with her two puppies and boyfriend in tow. I was quite hesitant for her to adopt and keep a second puppy, but just look at Lia and Jacob Two-Two! They are adorable.

And I guess I just realized how much I've been missing being single/long-distance relationship for so long. Yesterday Jonathan and I made peanut butter cookies, and it was the most fun thing in the world. Even seeing my sister and her boyfriend disgree about 'parenting' their puppies warms my heart. Life's meant to be shared, and if that special someone happens to cross your path, even just for a little while, every moment ought to be treasured.

I think this is the most content I've been with my life, for a long time now.

rainy days

Settling into the new term, still feeling a little tired, though I must be getting enough sleep. The holidays were just too short and stressful.

Quite enjoying my 20 mins walk to school now. If I take University, I get to walk with lots of students, but if I take Wyandotte, I get to see cute babies with bunny hats going to the pediatrian, and other non-university people going about their business every morning. It's like a little village here. Luckily the weather has been really mild so far, so the walk is pleasant. Mon-Wed, I don't get home 'til 7pm-ish, and though the streets are well-lit, I still don't like walking in the dark alone.

Went to band rehearsal tonight. Hadn't touched my sax in a month, so it was kinda brutal. Plus I can't really hit those low notes. So for the first time I brought music home to practice.

I don't know why I'm just blabbing. I feel kinda in limbo, and not back into the full swing of things yet. Probably won't until I get all my exam marks back. Career Services told us that only 3 students from first year got a summer position at a law firm last year, and that's high. So I really have to evaluate whether I can be one of those 3, or sort out some contingency plan. It'd be nice to go back to Cold Lake one last time...

New Apartment Virtual Tour

As promised, here are some shots from my new place:

(Left) This is my study. Since I don't have a couch, there is no point in having a living room. You can see Christmas cards that I received on the window sill, my X-files poster on a stationary chest, my desk is facing the front door, just like a real office. The diplomas and the wall are hung by Jonathan. That white thing under my desk is my printer. My chair, I just got arms for (that you can't see) is from IKEA. My silver trumpet is sitting nicely on the stand I got for Christmas. My sister bought me that white comfy 'nest' chair that you can see half of on the right there.



(Right) This is my kitchen. As you can see, it has a bar. I should get stools for it, but I just brought a folding table for eating that's out of sight. The poster I have on my fridge is from Body World 2, at the Ontario Science Centre. The thing on the left at the end of the bar is my stereo.



(Left) Walk-in closet on the left, mirror, laundry basket.
(Right) My bedroom continued, with Snowflake Eeyore. My TV & DVD are on the end of the bed. I even got a green shimmery bedskirt (only because it was on clearance at Wal-Mart).


Don't really feel like I'm back at school yet, mostly because classes were short or cancelled this week. Things are going to be coming fast & furious on Monday though, I'm sure. Email me if you'd like to see pictures of Jonathan and me. =)

New Start

Back at school today, and got my Constitutional Law exam back. Best birthday present ever! Settling nicely into my new apartment. Will post pictures of it once I get my internet hooked up.

I'll be 24 in a couple hours!