Every time I want to say I’m homesick, I am struck by the realization that I don’t actually know what that means. I miss something that I barely remember having. Not that I don’t have a family, of course I do. But that elusive feeling of belonging; I have not been able to grasp.
8 months into my articles, it’s time to consider what’s next again. I like my firm, but I had no intentions of staying in Edmonton beyond this year. As that now changed? Maybe, maybe not. There is a man, that I clearly like, love even, who has made it very clear that he will not move back east. Do I not owe him the same honesty to say that I want to go home, if Toronto is still home, even if it might not be for a few years?
What I keep feeling is that I am missing out on everything that’s happening in Toronto, to my family and my oldest friends. Engagements, weddings, babies, and all the little announcements and special events that I no doubt didn’t even hear about… it’s all happening and life’s going on. Yes, I have my own life here, that I am fairly content with, but still. It didn’t help to not go home for Christmas, and now it’s Chinese New Year. When will I finally feel that I’m where I’m suppose to be?
