Inspiration

Last Wednesday night, I stayed after class and watched one of the upper years' moot competition rounds. The school invites local lawyers to act as judges, to give students a chance to practice their advocacy skills. All first years will be required to do this at the end of the year, so I thought I'd see how it's done before I actually have to do it myself.

So in the conference room, 3 'judges' and 3 'counsels' wore black robes, and argued a criminal case. It is not unlike debating, so I knew I was going to like it already, but I just didn't expect how much I liked it. I know I like to argue, and formalities and stuff, but this litigating stuff is just so cool.

Thursday and Friday I spent at a conference at U of T, celebrating the 20th anniversity of Section 15 of the Charter of Rights and Freedom. They invited people who were working on the Charter at the time to speak (including Joe Clark, Roy Romanov, etc) and two retired Supreme Court judges, as well as academics and practioners. These people have been 'lawyering' longer than I've been alive. Though the days were long and intense, I was so inspired. I know that a big drawback to working for the government rather than the private sector is of course the money. But public service just has that kind of meaning that I don't think I could find working for big businesses. Inspired to keep reading hundreds of a pages a week. =)

Other News

Considering moving out of residence, like, now. Just getting too old for it, I think.

Unbelievable

He called my mom. Yeah. Rob called my mother, asking why I broke up with him, how can my feelings change, how I can be interested in another guy. And you know what my mom said? "It's better for you to break up now than for it to end in a divorce." Yay mommy!!

He also told her that he applied for the Windsor Police. And my mom goes, "Don't do that; she's not worth it." Under different circumstance, I might object. But right now, I'm just thrilled that my mom was fully briefed on the whole fiasco beforehand.

No More

I'm done with boys. I'm done with relationships. I'm just going to spend at least the next three years trying to make something of myself, and forget about all these unnecessary complications. I'm the problem, I'll admit it now. So I'll just not get involved anymore.

My heart needs a break.

Couldn't Do It

I thought I was doing the right thing, but I was deeply unhappy after making that decision. So I chose another course.

I broke up with him.

I hope that this time, it's really the right thing. As right as something can be when you make someone cry...

Do What You Must In Love

My band played at the 100th anniversary of the Leamington United Church this morning, and the service was radio-broadcasted (which makes me feel a little bad about missing a few sharps, but hey, I was sightreading the entire repetoire!)

So this morning I took a glorious drive in the sun and breeze for about40 mins to get there. And the sermon was that we all have difficult decisions to make in life, that God is not going to make them for us, but will still be there to pick up the pieces when we mess up. A lot of times, we have to choose between the greater of two goods; but more often, the lesser of two evils, perhaps. The line the resonated with me the most was the reverend's only guidance in making those tough choices: Whatever it is that you must do, do it in love. Not the romantic, sentimental kind, but in a selfless, unconditional way.

I needed to hear that message very badly this morning, as I was ready to break someone's heart. And now that I have made a choice, he may never know how difficult the decision was for me. But I chose him, and at least bruised another's heart instead. I don't know if it was the right decision, and I'm not sure that it isn't too trivial for divine intervention.

boo

I know it's not the end of the world to get a B on my first assignment. The problem is, I thought it was better than a B. I even revised and edited it, several times. That's not a guarantee for any of my writing for the past 6 years. I've done this school thing for long enough to know that marking is subjective, or at least that's what you tell yourself when you don't get an A.

The trouble is, I didn't give up two $40 000 job offers to get B's in law school. So what do I do? I always hate October - it's when reality strikes, and all the promise and romance of a fresh start gets stripped away.

Of white baboons & the CDC

Finally, a dream to rival Sumyunguy's:

So to start off with, you have to know that it is an episode of The West Wing. However, it has nothing to do with the campaign trail stories the current episodes are bogged down with. Instead, it is more like an episode of The X-Files or Alias. The teaser: CJ and Toby are in Hazmat suits, fiddling with some chemicals inside a lab. Then there was an explosion, and they had to get this biohazard/radioactive material out as the lights are flashing and loud annoying honking sounds go on in the background. There was another pair, one scientist and one child who had some artifical brain experiments being done to her, also escaping from said lab.

The next parts are only sort of in order, 'cuz I can't remember exactly how it happened. The child has some steel brace thing instead of a skull, and she kept screaming about the evils of big oil companies. We are back in the basement of my old house, except there is an extra room added, where one little alien type thing bit a big white baboon and turned into a baboon herself. Various other transformations of aliens into different animals. Then, the cast of The West Wing is back, and Kate Harper (new character from last season) is designated to handle this outbreak along with the Centre for Disease Control, in a meeting taking place inside an airport hangar. Somehow we are at my Law School now, and a lecture ended at 11:45pm, and the next thing I know, it was 12noon. Turns out I never made it home, and slept on a park bench all night. Then, the last part is the real kicker: I had to help my mom turn back into the big white baboon, 'cuz that's what she really is, and my aunt is my real mom. She was unhappy and at physical discomfort being human all these years. So we said a very emotional goodbye, about how we enjoyed our mother-daughter relationship even though it was never meant to happen. Then I had to lock her into that small, extra room in the basement with a huge window. She got ready to tranform, and just as she did, the little white baboon joined her (it wasn't me) and they shattered the glass window and went howling into the night silhouetted by the full moon.
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I was, I think understandably, freaked out. It was 3:30am, and I just wanted to hear his voice. Instead of letting it go to voicemail, he picks up sleepily, reassures me that it's okay, just a dream, and even laughed a little with me about how crazy it was. So I really miss him now.

he's gone...

last Sat: arrived at 10:30pm
Sun: haircut at the mall, study in the library with me to catch up on reading
Mon: I went to Property Law class, then we are off to London. Lunch with Jasmine, continue to Niagara Falls. Fancy, grown-up dinner in hotel where we were staying (Fallsview Sheraton), Falls and Clifton Hills at night.
Tue: Niagara Falls to Hamilton. Missed the exit by 20 mins (oops!). Back tracked to Mac, campus tour. Hamilton to Toronto. Checked in to Holiday Inn on King. Dinner with sister, visit at cadets, out with officer staff after training night.
Wed: Lunch with mom and grandma, tour of Scarborough, dinner with Taz, drinks downtown
Thurs: Back to Windsor, Criminal Law class, drinks downtown
Fri: downtown Windsor, Art Gallery, Windsor Symphony Orchestra Concert, The Corpse Bride, drinks around campus
Sat: Detroit, drive around Windsor, Dinner at Boston Pizza, drinks downtown
Sun: drove to Airport

I miss him already, but not as much as I thought I would. Is that bad? He was crying as he left, and I... was just kinda relieved to get back to my life. Not that I didn't enjoy having him here. I just don't know how to share my life with someone like that. What am I suppose to do?