missing

I miss him.  There, I said it.  Now can he come home? 

I know this is insane.  I left Toronto Monday night, but haven't seen him since Sunday, and now it's Saturday, so it's been a week.  He is coming back Tuesday.  That's only 3 days away. Why am I being such a baby about this?  

Granted, we have not been apart for more than 3 days since we started dating, so a week seems like a very long time indeed.  On the one hand it's nice to miss someone so much, and realize how much of my life involves him now, so that having 'free time' to myself; I don't even know what to do with it, really.  There are so many fun things to do now that the weather is turning nice and spring is peeking out, but it's just not the same without him.  

On the other hand, this feeling is terrifying me.  Nothing is forever, and for sure no one should be hanging their hats on a 4 month relationship to provide happiness for everything.  I don't like the feeling of dependence, and as sweet as this feeling is reflective of perhaps a deeper bond than I have experienced before, the surrendering of control freaks me out.  To the point that I may be convincing myself that I like being alone better, so I can shut off that vulnerability.  

I am so messed up.  

Pre-Dawn Madness

I am about to leave for the airport.  I haven't been home in 5 months, which is the longest stretch ever.  I am so excited that I have been tossing and turning all night, despite anticipating this and not even attempting to go to bed before midnight.  At 9pm last night, I went on a random mission to a 24-hour Wal-Mart, and bought Eli Stone finally, and storage drawers.  I did not know that there was a 24-hour W-M within 30 mins driving distance from me.  It was incredible.  The hum of the place has an airport-like feel to it.  The staff are dazed, the shoppers frantic to buy ridiculous products that can in no way be an emergency.  It was surreal. 

So boyfriend left for Toronto 3 days ago, and will be picking me up at the airport, and meeting the family shortly after that.  Should be wonderful (I think.  I hope).  Okay, I am leaving now.  =)