No More Back to School!

For the first time EVER since I was 3, I don't have to go back to school! Okay, alright, that's not strictly true, since I am auditing a course taught by my principle at the U of A this term, but I am officially an ADULT now! =)

Civil Rotation

I have been seconded to a civil firm for 3 weeks. And though I'm getting interesting little assignments, and everyone's being really nice, this experience just makes me want to be a criminal lawyer that much more. I'm also surprised at how much I miss my regular work place. Somehow, over the last 3 months, my firm's become a home, and the people there family. At least in the great land of Alberta.

I remember at this time last year, I was devastated that I didn't get any of the articling jobs that were my first, second, third.... seventh choice. In part because of that, I once again made a poor relationship decision (same mistake, over and over again, but we don't need to tell that story again).

Funny how things work out. I can't imagine being anywhere else now, doing anything other than criminal defence, even though that was the one thing I said in law school that I won't be donig. Maybe I'm just malleable like that, adjusting to my surroundings, chameleon-like. But I don't think that's true. I'm pretty choosy with my life, and the only thing I seem to have an unhealthy level of tolerance for is relationships. Nothing is happening on that front (probably for the best), and I'm stressed to the max about this bar admission course, but it's all manageable. At the end of the day, I'm happy being here, right now.

SLC Forever

I am a sentimental fool. There is no doubt about that. 10 years ago, I came to Alberta for the first time, and left a different person. I didn't know it at the time, but attending the Senior Leaders Course changed the course of my life. In fact, I don't think I'd be in Edmonton today if I didn't go on that course when I was 16.

We are changed before our eyes, yet we can't see it until we are looking back. I remember giving a speech at the squadron's banquet about my camp experience. That speech was too long (15 mins), as my speeches usually are, and of course I'm fairly certain that it resonated with me more than with anyone in the audience. Still I remember the pride with which I delivered every word, and how I can barely keep the quiver from my voice at describing what going home was like. I was touched again, every time I return to Cold Lake, every time I talk about it (how ever I try to pretend that was a childish thing), every time I see a beautiful sunset.

We were often told that the course is what you make it, as 'hardcore' and as meaningful as we can read meaning into it. For me it gave me the confidence I should have always known existed, and yet I needed the validation to believe. And once I believed, I took flight.

WSNBM/ONBP

sad songs say so much

From time to time I discover a new song, and play it on an endless loop, until I know all the words. And then I'll read too much into the lyrics and find application to my life from it. (it is hardly the weirdest thing I do)

I love sad songs. I don't know why. I find that sad songs can touch me more deeply than happy ones. And truly, do not a song with a sense of longing resonate more strongly? It's not that my life is unhappy, I just feel like I can understand sadness better. I am pensive and introspective by nature. I feel joy and contentment, but I'm not the jump around with happiness type.

Haven't heard a song that moves me lately though.

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I'm not a fickle person, I don't think. I rarely change the way I feel about someone. It's probably a form of stubbornness. Mostly I am content to feel the way I feel, and wait for the world to change. As Goethe said, if I love you, what business is it of yours? But lately I have been feeling restless, and wanting things to change, to actually give what I want a chance. Relationships have never ranked very high in my life. I mean, I value them and a lot of drama usually surround them. I give them priority when I'm in them, but I have never really been the one to actively try to pursue them for my own happiness (mostly because I don't know how). But I've been feeling I want more, and I'm no longer content to just let things (not) happen. But the funny thing with relationship is that you can never 'make it happen', can you? You can't change how the other person feels, and in truth you don't even have any right to demand a response or explanation. We feel how we feel; we can't even explain it most days even if we wanted to. So perhaps it should be enough that I feel this way, and it shouldn't matter that the other person doesn't, or doesn't even know.

Mamma Mia!

Can I just be all fangirl for a second and tell you how much I loved this movie? My love for musicals is not secret, but this was really something special. Maybe because I was not familiar with the story before going, it had the full impact on me. And Pierce Brosnan AND Colin Firth! I had a great time.

Long weekend finally here. I just plan on sleeping and doing all the things around my apartment that I have put off for so long. Looks like the weather will be decent. I should really get out there with my bike before it get too cold for that.

Looking forward to starting my bar admission course, and a rotation at a civil law firm, where I have been told keeps more 'civil' hours than the 7-6 life I currently have. My rotation is for 3 weeks, and I hope I can get some family law experience during that time. I can't believe it's August.