The West Coast Calls My Name

Got back from my leave in Vancouver yesterday. What an awesome trip. I love the city, and rude/self-righteous people, the mountains and the water. Pretty much everything about it. I think I have to somehow make my way out there, and stay for a couple years. It feels like childhood (Hong Kong), and thus home, in a way that Toronto never did. The salty breeze envelopes my every sense, and it just feels right.

Maybe it's because I have been having such an emotionally traumatizing summer; maybe I just really, really needed to get away from the whole relationship thing, but seeing UBC, spending 5 hours at Stanley Park (even seeing the Aquarium with everything from butterflies to beluga whales to seahorses), checking out the Chinatown Night Market, taking the Aquabus as taxi on water, shopping at Gastown, night strolling on the beach, Robson St & Davie St - it's all just incredible. I stayed at the YMCA downtown 'cuz my cousin totally forgot to get me a room on campus, which turned out to be just fine 'cuz I'm right in the middle of everything. I even saw a theatrical performance called Storyeum, about the history of BC. It's performed underground, and the audience actually move with the actors to different sets for different eras. Very cool. I really needed the time away, and for the first time in my life I was not excited about coming back to Cold Lake. Maybe this is the end of camp for me.

More later.

I'm pretty sure...

that there is a special place in hell reserved for people like me. In fact, I'd put money on that. Why? 'Cuz hanging out with a guy who is a friend of your ex sounds like the beginning of a bad sitcom. Not only that, the guy is also a music instructor (just like Rob), also goes to U of Cal (just like Rob), makes the same jokes 'cuz those are the ones that get told in their office, and is also another generic white boy. All this might be excusable on some shaky ethical grounds, but nothing can excuse the fact that he just turned 20!

I like him too much to use him as 'rebound', in addition to the fact that it would just be totally wrong. I like him, but is it just because he is 'Rob-lite'? I'm just so ... bored here. Last summer was fantastic, and I just don't really know what to do with my (albeit minimal) free time here, being single. Not that everyone is dating - it was just nicer to be. Nothing has happened yet, but he obviously wants to ask. I'm absolutely going to hell.

speechless

Lost my voice this morning due to extreme stress-induced yelling on the parade square yesterday to get them ready with insufficient time. How do you be an instructor without a voice?

Ishy & Gyshi

One of my friends here named my fish Ishy & Gyshi (orange & white, respectively). They are quite active and curious, swimming around all the time. Hope they can continue to swim with their carefreeness all summer long.

the next one

I got two new goldfishies today, 'cuz I just can't stand looking at the empty bowl as testament to my failure to nurture simple life forms. And, as my sister always says, there is nothing like the next one to get over the last one. Applies equally to fish and men. (Don't worry, I haven't jumped into another relationship, yet). This time, the fish are small, one orange and one white with a red head. Name suggestions?

RIP to our pets

One of my friend's dog died suddenly. =(

As well, the black goldfish I got here at camp also turned belly-up.

Sucky beginning to the week.

tryin' to be a busy bee

Just trying to stay busy. Instructing 4-5 hours a day just doesn't really do it for me. So, as secondary duties, I've taken on/been appointed Assistant Unit Human Rights Advisor, Assistant Parade Coordinator, and National Drill Team Staff. As well, I'm the unofficial Admin Officer of the Instructor's Cell. That should keep me busy enough, so I don't stand in the doorway of the lounge for 10 minutes when I saw that he'd fallen asleep there, then start crying for no particular reason at all.

drama

So, you want drama? I've got drama. This whole thing with Rob has just gotten out of control. We can't talk civilly, or interact in any meaningful manner for that matter, and I have no idea why he is trying so hard to deliberately hurt me. I just know that I have to walk away, but it really doesn't help that, just like last year, I see him once about every 3 hours. It's not a big camp, and it is just insanely hard. Like, you know, when you were in high school, and you keep running into your ex in the hallway? Anyway, enough is enough. I have to believe that I can do better.

Being at camp doesn't spare you from the family drama either. My aunt has just demanded that my mom, sister and I contribute to the living expense of my father. She is not asking for an extraordinary sum, but considering that we are living in my grandma's basement, and my mom just started having some commision-based work... I just don't know. Yes, at some point it is my responsibility to take on the responsibilities of the family. But I also want to take the opportunities in my life without feeling guilty.

But at least, I'm very happy with my job this summer, and my friends here are being really supportive. Hopefully things will work out with my leave, so I can go to Vancouver to see my cousin's Shad grad at UBC.

INSTRUCTOR!

We got our job assignments yesterday, and my heart was going at Mach 3 when they made the assignments. I am going to be an Instructor this year!! If it's not too cocky to say so, being an Instructor on the National Senior Leaders Course is kinda prestigous, and something I've wanted to do for a long time, so I'm thrilled beyond words.

The staff cadets are arriving today and tomorrow, and they will go through one week of indoctrination training before receiving their job assignments. Then the course cadets will arrive, and camp officially start. I have 5 of my course cadets from last year returning as staff, which is fantastic.

Relationship is... unspeakably disasterous... more later.