he cancelled

About an hour before we were suppose to meet. Problem solved. Except for the fact that he said the purpose of today was to discuss where we plan to go from here. Huh?? I thought we were done. He used the L word, and posted his half of an old picture of us, status: wishing to complete this picture. Oh God. Why do these boys never understand what they have 'til I'm SO DONE with it?


My "I thought this was over" relationship is getting in the way of my "it's complicated" relationship.

Let's go to the Ex!

Sorry, that's from the commercial for the CNE, aka The Exhibition, but I'm talking about something entirely different here.

What is the rule on seeing the Ex? There must at least be guidelines, or recommended courses of action, right? If they really want to 'see you', and 'keep in touch', etc, what do you do? Do the same rules as for first dates apply? Well-lit places with a clear exit strategy, planted phone calls in case you need to escape, plus no touching under any circumstances? Help!

Science Centre

Even though I was just there in May, I can never resist the geek in me to spend a day at the OSC. The Titanic Exhibit did not disappoint. At the entrance everyone is getting a White Star Line boarding pass, with a mini-bio of one of the passengers. Then you go through various rooms with artifacts and quotes, my favourite being Guggenheim's "We were dressed and prepared to go down like gentlemen". The eerie blue lights casted a glow of despair and doom at the part about the collision with the iceberg. There is an actual 'iceberg' there that you can touch. And at the end is a wall with all the names of the survivors and the lost, and you try to find out if the person on your ticket survived. Very well done. I may have to watch Leo & Kate's version soon again too.


Stardust
You have to go see this movie! And I guess it is a book too, so I'll be reading that.

where do I go from here?

Cold Lake
Felt terribly sad leaving camp early on the eve of graduation. Cold Lake was fantastic this summer. Old friends, new friends, the familiar and the new and exciting. A job that allowed me to see all of the camp, instead of one particular course. The same anticipation as I felt nearly a decade ago now, when I first arrived at the camp. A place that molded and guided me into who I am today.

I used to take pictures of everything to make sure I'd remember. Now I know that I will never forget.


Interviews
What can I say? I had a total of 9 articling interviews this summer, and not a single job offer. I am feeling defeated. I don't know where to go from here. The chances of securing a government job after graduation is now all but gone. I thought I did well, at least for 3 of them. I don't know how to be different, or 'better'. What am I going to do now? I feel that it was foolish for me to hope, and be so happy when I found out about all the interviews I was going to. I feel that I have betrayed the kind words and encouragement of everyone at camp. I feel like I've let them down. I know that in the grand scheme of things, this is but a blip in my career. But right now all I can see is the blip as a chasm between me and happiness. I feel hollow.