an essential paradox

So we travel across the world, to learn about different cultures, and what do we do as soon as we get here? Find students from our home country. But if you are from Canada, or the US, there is really no easy way to identify 'your people'. Tonight, as the conclusion of International Students Orientation, there was a Cultural Event, which was basically pub night. Everyone was dancing in a circle, like junior high. But then, and Indian song came on, and the dance floor turned into a Bollywood movie. I swear, it was unreal. A little later, an African beat came on, and the black students took the stage.

Now, it is just me, or would that NEVER happen in Canada? Seriously, can you imagine? "Okay, now all the brown kids!" It's like that scene from Hairspray. All the black kids now! But then Kanye came on, to remind us that we are all the same, after all. Hip hop is our culture.

The Italians were pretty classy, using their flag as a table cloth for their wine glasses. Then a Canadian student sang a drinking song ('oh I wish I were in Sherbrook now...'), but few other Canadians recognized it. I did, because all I learned about Canadian culture, I learned from Cold Lake. Later in the evening, another Canadian student decided to start singing the national anthem, and wow, there are a LOT of Canadians here that I didn't even realize. I taught 3 American students to sing it (bilingually) afterwards. I had a drink called 'cider & black'. It was very yummy. May have precipitated the singing. Anyway, fun night. Oh, we were asked to go dressed in our 'traditional cultural dress' if we wished. The best any Canadian came up with was toques, sweaters with the word "Canada" on it, or a hockey jersey. It's kinda sad.

Which leads to my more meditative point. Seeing the Indian and African students dances tonight, I think maybe we lose something in Canada by being too 'colour-blind'. There is something to be said for giving cultures the space to be different, and acknowledging that difference by respectfully not trying to join in unless invited to do so. I'm not saying we don't do that in Canada. It's just, we do it differently, and then differently again at designated 'cultural events'. I'm not articulating my thoughts very clearly here.

Another thing. I have never been ashamed that I am Chinese (though I try very hard to hide the fact that I am). But in an 'international' situation, I say I'm Canadian, and I get asked, "Yes, but where are you from originally" Umm, my mother's womb. And I don't think the Chinese students can understand that I have less in common with them than that white or brown kid from North America. Ah, learning about the world!

in Leicester

First of all, there are more/different keys on this computer station I am standing at, awaiting the beginning of International Students Orientation. I hear there is going to be a magic show. No kidding.

Well, so far things have been going quite smoothly. The flight was fine, even though during the one hour stopover in Ottawa, we weren't allowed to get off, being 'in-transit' passengers. I didn't sleep much on the flight, which kinda sucked, but got to London all in one piece. The Gatwick airport reminded me of the old Hong Kong one, with the ugly yellow signs and general oldness. It was a brisk 14C, but felt much chillier because: a) I was tired, and b) it's wet. Waited about 1 1/2 for my bus at the lounge. It's a little disappointing /comforting for an international traveler to see La Senza, The Body Shop, Burger King, etc. Went outside to wait for bus, which was an hour late. I was pretty anxious the whole time, even after being reassured by the bus person that it was just running late rather than have left without me. The bus had to take a circuitous route through the other airports to pick up passengers, and not everyone got on at the other stops. It took 4 hours to reach Leicester. Hopped on a cab, whose driver had to GPS the residence address. Checked into my room, randomly the first student I met is from Toronto too. Went to supper, went to bed, freezing.

Finally fell asleep at 3am. Woke up at 11am and couldn't believe it was that late already. Found the Brit's Wal-Mart (Asda), so all is good. Got a duvet, pillow, mattress & pillow cover & laundry bag all for £8. Brought a bunch of other stuff as well. Was tempted to buy a coat for £8 as well, because it's so cold here, but the smallest size was an 8. Went back to rez, had lunch, figured out my phone number, registered with the school online, sorted out the stuff I bought, and started to walk to school.

The walk is suppose to take 40mins. Yeah, I know. What's the point of living in university residence when it's so damn far? But my hall is catered, which means they provided breakfast and supper, so I guess that's why there isn't enough room for that right on campus. It, of course, started raining as I was walking. I walked for 1.5 hours because I got lost. Well, not really lost, but not as correctly as I had hoped. Because the streets all change names for no apparent reasons. I asked for directions, and this man said, 'It's half an hour away, it's too far to walk!' Anyway, I walked through the, let's say ethnic part of downtown. You'd think there's still segregation going on here. Arrived at this gorgeous soccer pitch (football pitch?), Victoria Park, the backyard to Leicester. Got on the campus tours; really nice little place. Met another fellow Canadian, someone from Portugal, Turkey, etc. Orientation official starts tomorrow morning.

I'm sure I would have needed to buy stuff once I got here anyway, but the reason why I am so ill-equipped is a last minute discovery of the baggage restrictions for Zoom Airlines (as in, WHAT DO YOU MEAN 20kg in total?! I thought it was 20kg per luggage!) Luckily I discovered this before actually leaving for the airport, so the repacking as done somewhat logically. Still I decided against my winter jacket, and I could use it on, in the evenings at least. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to buy stuff! =)

things that freaked me out/amused me so far:
small toilet seats, a pink stretch limo, around abouts! (how do people not get killed everytime they cross the streets?), an MC/DJ at Asda who says things like 'why not have fish tonight? Remember fish is good for you!', lush lawns ('cuz what sprinkler system could beat rain 5 times a day?), trying to learn my coins, hearing How to Save a Life on the radio, feeling like I'm in Hogwarts

London Calling T Minus One!

I got a transfer from the TTC today, so I know that it's Day 265 of the year. I wonder what the last 100 days of 2007 will bring for me. To say the least, it will be exciting. Getting on a Gatwick bound plane in 25 hours. I feel like I'm on the top of a roller-coaster, ready to take that plunge. More than ready. I have been out of school for 5 months now; I hope my brain has not turned to mush. Or if it has, that will unmush quickly once I cross the ocean. I hope this trip will be more than I can imagine.

my sister on the National Post

A fashion blog for posterity

Strike a pose for future generations!

Adam McDowell, National Post

Published: Saturday, September 15, 2007

While most guests were trying to track down hors d'oeuvre at Ultra Supper Club Wednesday night, Yvonne Kai was on a different hunt.

When something catches Kai's eye -- a unique dress, hard-to-pull-off red boots or just the way an ensemble is put together -- out comes her digital point-and-shoot. A couple of head-to-toe shots later and the fashion blogger presents the accidental model with a card advertising her URL, longoverdew.com.

As at other sites chronicling fashion, such as thesartorialist.com, there's no room for fashion don'ts at Kai's site. Being posted implies one's outfit is worth sharing with the world--and worth archiving.

"I decided to start the fashion blog because I was already doing all these notes almost every day on Facebook," says Kai, who founded her site about a year ago. "I got 3,000 hits within the first week."

Taking pictures of grinning partygoers in their Friday best may seem to be a superficial enterprise. But Kai, who has a bachelor's degree in cultural studies, says longoverdew serves an important purpose. "I find it's important to document this," she says. "It's hard when the only medium to study fashion is through fashion magazines. They often only show high fashion and not street fashion. We're going to look back and have nothing to study."

While Kai still needs her job in marketing, she says, "I am making a bit of money" from blogging, through advertising and fees to appear at events.

The filmfest is a busy time for Kai. After an hour at the Ultra party for photographer David Drebin's book launch, Kai has five usable outfits on her memory card. It's time to head to another party at Cheval. More events means networking, and therefore more work, Kai says. She estimates she goes to six or seven events on a busy week (though she's not always diligent about posting all her material). For any socially active Torontonian, it's only a matter of time before Kai or someone like her sizes you up -- so dress your best.

© National Post 2007

Ten Days in Calgary

must. blog. about. trip.

It's been a week since I had an anxiety attack.

Ha! Thought that would get your attention. Let's start from the top...


First, I would like to let you know that this is real life. If you are late for your flight, because you relied on your sister's friend/taxi to get you to the airport, and arrived less than 30 mins before departure time, Toronto Pearson International Airport will not let you through the gate, even though they haven't even started boarding yet. Or maybe they had. I don't know, I didn't get that far. It's totally not like in the movies, where you can flash your badge, say you are an FBI agent, and get them to reopen the plane door for you. (don't worry, I didn't try to convince anyone I was on official business, even though I was using my permanent military ID).

So after all that, I had my flight rescheduled for the next day, and decided to take public transit to the airport. 'Cuz one $50 cab ride was more than enough. The Airport Rocket bus was faster than the cab driver from the night before, and it took a surprisingly short amount of time to get back to Terminal 1. I was 2 hours early. After all that, I can't tell you how happy I was to land in Calgary, even if the local temperature was 13C (it was 37C in Toronto).

Day 1 Thursday
Landed in the Calgary airport. Because I was sitting in the very back of the plane, I was one of the last to reach the arrival area. I saw him before he saw me, but it feels like everyone waiting for their luggage saw how happy we were. Dinner at Boston Pizza. Grocery shopping at Safeway.

Day 2 Friday
He worked from 6am-2pm, and then we went for a walk to the Glenmore Park Reservoir. Umm, let's just say there was a ring involved. I said we can reopen the topic for discussion at Christmas. I was adamant that I want to go to England to learn about myself, and I am certain that I can't do that wearing someone's ring. It ended up okay, considering. Went out to dinner/drinks with a bunch of his friends, who all helped me gang up on him (on other things). It was cute.

Day 3 Saturday
Drove out to Canmore for the day. It was absolutely beautiful. Mountains. Big Mountains. Clouds passing over Big Mountains. Snow-capped. I just can't get over them. I bleached his hair, and he did highlights in mine. He did the better job.

Day 4 Sunday
We started the day by going to St. Andrew's Presbyterian Church (yes, church) to hear one of his friends be the music director there, playing the piano, organ and conducting the choir. The sermon was about being a living testament to your faith, as in action makes the best sermon. We met up with his friend at Chinook Centre (as Marc corrected me, not The Chinook Centre) and had sushi. Met up with CLACSTC people at The Kilkenny for dinner.

Day 5 Monday
He went to work in the morning again. He cooked us chicken over the open fire pit in his backyard. I think we watched the new Michael Moore docu-dramady Sicko that night. Oh, and I dyed his hair blue, 'cuz his roommate had some leftover from a previous adventure. Night drive out to Kananaski Country to see a billion stars.

Day 6 Tuesday
We went downtown, Chinatown, Mountain Equipment Coop, and the TD Tower/Bankers Hall mall, with a solarium garden on the fourth floor. He got a new cellphone, tossing a coin between green or purple, because I refused to let him buy black. Besides, the green goes with the blue hair. Things were going well, until I had a little panic attack that night. Well, I don't know if it was that for sure, since I've never had one before. Basically I was feeling extremely warm, drowsy, and couldn't catch my breath. It was pretty scary. More on that later.

Day 7 Wednesday
Quiet day, aftermath of above attack. I took a long walk, basically freaking out over the phone with sister and friend. He went to pick up his parents from the airport.

Day 8 Thursday
Went to brunch at Nellies with all the rooster deco with Marc. Sorted things out with Rob. Went to visit Marc at his work in the library in our fancy clothes, en route to dinner at Kensington. A view of downtown at night from a looking point.

Day 9 Friday
The Calgary Philharmonic Orchestra played a free, lunch concert at the Petro Canada Centre, so we went to go check that out. Went to say hello to his parents, who told us all about their trip, and took us out for ice cream. Dinner at his friend's house.

Day 10 Saturday
Packed, several tearful conversations later, drove to the airport. Flight delayed twice. Got home at 1:20am. Already miss him.


Thoughts
So I thought the anxiety was related to my uncertainty about relationships. Not this relationship in particular, but whether I am equipped to share my life with someone else. I mean, I know that I don't have the best track record in this department. But at some point you have to be a little introspective and wonder whether the problem lies within rather than without. I said that I thought something in me might be broken, and he asked whether he broke it. Maybe, I didn't say. Rather, I thought maybe I broke it, by being careless with my heart. I don't know how to feel. On the one hand, I miss him terribly. Undeniably, he has grown up. I have imposed a no-phone call rule until Christmas (part of the Find Myself in UK plan). On the later hand, I wonder whether I love him simply because he loves me. I suppose there are worse reasons to be with someone, but I'm not sure it's sufficient reason. Or because I just feel vindicated that this mess of our history can/has finally amounted to something. I feel my family may prove to be an insurmountable obstacle for this to progress any further. Even under the best circumstance it was going to be a hard sell. And these, my friends, are not the best. It will most certainly be impossible if I am not 100% certain that it is what I want, and am willing to defend.

In my head, I think in circles.
In my heart, I miss him so.

September Days

It's a time, a place, a memory, a feeling. It fades into the background in everyday life, but comes rushing back at full force in the right context. Then it's as if you'd never left.

I moved my cousin back into residence today, at McMaster. I always smile when I do that turn on that highway, and the lake comes into view, 7 minutes before the exit to the school. I have done that drive a hundred times, and I would never tire of it. As soon as I turned into the university, I ran into a friend of mine, who now works there full time. Then the blasts of music come into earshot, and IT'S FROSH WEEK! Obviously I'm not one to party, but once upon a time I spent an entire summer planning welcome week for all the students in residence. Seeing how things were going today, the different groups in their brightly painted coveralls, the anticipation and thinly veiled apprehension of the first years... it's just great. I'll never forget how I felt at 17, moving my pillow into that all-girls hall. Nor at 20, watching 5000 students participate in the activities I planned. It's an awesome feeling.

I've been feeling a little sentimental already, this being my last year of school in the foreseeable future. But it's also weird to not be starting school with everyone else tomorrow. I have this lull of 3 weeks before leaving of England, while everyone will already be hitting the books. Well, let's be honest, buying the books, at least. I guess it prepares me for how it's going to feel next year, when September will just be another month in the routine of life. Or not, since God willing I would have started my articling job by then. I will miss the promise of the autumn breeze, fresh notebooks and back-to-school haircuts.

Until I have kids of my own.