In relationships, I can let most things go, for the sake of 'love'. But when I decide to fight, it's, well, take no prisoners. I guess it was our first real fight yesterday, in a manner of speaking. Things have been boiling for a bit, and it just all came to a head yesterday, as in the I had go out for a walk (which ended up longer than I intended, because I got lost a little). To his credit, he called me on my inability to resolve conflicts when we talked calmly and productively afterwards. And it's true, I realize that I really don't know how to work through things besides pretending it doesn't matter, or putting an expiry date on the relationship.
For example, how do you decide what are you are doing for the weekend? Before the options were: r) try not to kill yourself, j) nothing, lethargy is policy. Okay, I exaggerate, perhaps a little, but how do you work through everyday life? I have no idea.
Maybe the difficulty is that this relationship feels even more fantastical than a camp relationship. The closest I can analogize is that it is like finding someone in a war zone. I am constantly sleep deprived, malnourmished, overworked and cut off from family and friends. So of course someone who offers comfort and a measure of belonging to play house with is welcomed. But when I am considering not returning home, but rather remaining in the warzone to fight the good fight, all of a sudden I want the relationship to be perfect, since at least (a very large) part of the reason for considering to stay would be for him. Of course that's not fair to him, but nothing's fair in love and war, right? Why am I so confused?
