The Truth about Me

I don't know if I've never had a social calendar that included events 3 nights in a row with 3 large, different groups of people. In each one I felt happy, but as a peripheral, fringe-dweller. And I'm not entirely upset by that fact. I seek out solitude, and orchestrate my life to not belong. Perhaps it's just safer to diversify my attention and affections. I float, though I have a handful of close friends who anchors me. I try to be the kind of friend who'd surprise people if I didn't show up, when I said I would. The kind that tries to make sure everyone has a ride home. But the truth is it is a lot easier to be responsible for everyone else instead of being responsible for myself. Not that I'm not a cautious person, to say the least, but there is so much about myself that seems entirely out of my hands, but I seem to feel able to help others. Or at least make life easier for them. Or just bring a smile. It's the drifting of un-belongingness that marks my place.

A New Balance

Sometimes things look grim, but can turn around in an instance. I was attending the welcome/welcome back reception at school for new and returning exchange student yesterday. First, I got a chance to speak briefly about my time aboard. And you know me; if I get to speak publicly, even to an audience of one, I'm happy. But that's not all, I also smoozed with the President of the University, the Dean of Dramatic Arts, and a Prof in Business. But the best part of find a student who is here on exchange, from Leicester! I was so excited, rambling about all the Leicester-specific stuff, and we were both acting like excited chipmunks. It is as if Leicester is this exotic place, where only the two of us have been to, and the utter shock and delight of being able to share that was incredible.

More good things:
1. Through an informant, whose identity must be protected for their own safety, I have been informed that R has changed his status to 'in a relationship'. I am free.

2. J tapped me on my backpack after class today, we exchanged brief words, and I didn't want to die from the awkwardness. I consider that superb.

3. I am flirting with... something, not quite fire, maybe just a little ember, though the wonders of Superpoking. I am a tres nerd, I know.

4. One of my friends from Leicester is coming to visit me in the summer!

Looks like things are going to be alright afterall.

maybe too optimistic

This is my new room. For my last four months of school EVER, I'm staying in one of the university-owned houses reserved for exchange students (incoming or returning). It's literally a stone's throw from the law school. In case you are weirded out, I'm taking the picture right into a mirror.

I moved back to Windsor on Sunday, and all I've wanted is to not be here. It's really nice to be surrounded by friends/people I know again, but at the same time, I miss the lack of accountability and anonymity of being aboard, and the freedom that entails. It feels weird to 'belong', or at least be familiar with everything. And I'm probably not making matters easier by being all grade-7 about not having spoken to my ex, even though we have a class together. Luckily a class big enough to genuinely-pretend that we just haven't 'had the chance'. Whatever. Four more months, and I'm done like turkey. That's something.

It's Gonna be a Happy New Year!

I feel it in my bones that 2008 is going make all my dreams come through. Not sure if it is just start of the year optimism, or because it's the first day I've gotten enough sleep in a week, after the Christmas Training Course. Either way, it's looking good. Happy 2008!