The Truth about Me

I don't know if I've never had a social calendar that included events 3 nights in a row with 3 large, different groups of people. In each one I felt happy, but as a peripheral, fringe-dweller. And I'm not entirely upset by that fact. I seek out solitude, and orchestrate my life to not belong. Perhaps it's just safer to diversify my attention and affections. I float, though I have a handful of close friends who anchors me. I try to be the kind of friend who'd surprise people if I didn't show up, when I said I would. The kind that tries to make sure everyone has a ride home. But the truth is it is a lot easier to be responsible for everyone else instead of being responsible for myself. Not that I'm not a cautious person, to say the least, but there is so much about myself that seems entirely out of my hands, but I seem to feel able to help others. Or at least make life easier for them. Or just bring a smile. It's the drifting of un-belongingness that marks my place.