I know this is insane. I left Toronto Monday night, but haven't seen him since Sunday, and now it's Saturday, so it's been a week. He is coming back Tuesday. That's only 3 days away. Why am I being such a baby about this?
Granted, we have not been apart for more than 3 days since we started dating, so a week seems like a very long time indeed. On the one hand it's nice to miss someone so much, and realize how much of my life involves him now, so that having 'free time' to myself; I don't even know what to do with it, really. There are so many fun things to do now that the weather is turning nice and spring is peeking out, but it's just not the same without him.
On the other hand, this feeling is terrifying me. Nothing is forever, and for sure no one should be hanging their hats on a 4 month relationship to provide happiness for everything. I don't like the feeling of dependence, and as sweet as this feeling is reflective of perhaps a deeper bond than I have experienced before, the surrendering of control freaks me out. To the point that I may be convincing myself that I like being alone better, so I can shut off that vulnerability.
I am so messed up.
1 comment:
I guess it's just a matter of find the right balance. You were already depending on each other when you were together. It's a wonderful feeling when you know that you can depend on somebody else. You already know from your previous experiences that you can be independent. So what's the worry? Insisting on being independent may cause doubts, from his point of view, on how much you trust him. I know, from first hand experience, that is not a good feeling.
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