What will Spring Bring?

March 1st?!  To say that February flew by would be an understatement.  March now.  Already.  Technically only 3 months left of my articles, but officially it'll be more like 4-5.  Oh well, bureacracy. 

February has been wonderful.  Stressful, but lovely.  It's the kinda of inevitability and resignation that comes from realizing that absolutely everything is out of my hands.  Or rather, the series of contingencies and eventualities that I have set up of my life is all based on the work decision.  And right now, that's out of my hands.  It's kinda freeing to accept that. 

I wouldn't make a decision on my relationship, because I know that I have to go where I can get a job, and if that's not here, then I will have to walk away once again.  That kinda stress can't be good in a budding relationship, but that's where I am now, and that's the way it goes.  

I miss my family, but I still have not learnt how to actually co-exist in proximity with them, so maybe it's for the best that I don't return to Toronto. 

I've had a little love affair with Vancouver since summer 2005, and I hope to make it a full blown relationship one day, so there is that in the balance.  I also have a little thing for Calgary.  Yes, I am very fickle.  =) 

Come what may, I'll always treasure these days.

love locked down

I heard the song for the first time two days ago.  Admittedly I am not on the cutting edge of pop culture.  Went to Vancouver once again, for Valentine's Day weekend, with a boyfriend no less.  The city never disappoints, and I am reminded why I love it so much again.  Just Stanley Park alone is breathtaking, and combined with an evening with the symphony, sushi, and being in love, what more can a girl want? 

I remember last time I was in Van, October 2005, and I saw this small pink gem frog, and I didn't get it.  This time I went back to look for it, and very nearly couldn't find it again.  Actually, I only found it after buying a bigger, purple one.  I like both, a lot, but it seems like a lesson in waiting for what I really want.  Probably reading too much into frogs.  

I am just a handful of months away from completing my articles.  What's next?  

p.s. I thought 'love locked down' means 'love guaranteed'.  Upon a more careful listen of the lyrics, I think not.  

Strategically Speaking

In relationships, I can let most things go, for the sake of 'love'.  But when I decide to fight, it's, well, take no prisoners.  I guess it was our first real fight yesterday, in a manner of speaking.  Things have been boiling for a bit, and it just all came to a head yesterday, as in the I had go out for a walk (which ended up longer than I intended, because I got lost a little).  To his credit, he called me on my inability to resolve conflicts when we talked calmly and productively afterwards.  And it's true, I realize that I really don't know how to work through things besides pretending it doesn't matter, or putting an expiry date on the relationship.  

For example, how do you decide what are you are doing for the weekend?  Before the options were: r) try not to kill yourself, j) nothing, lethargy is policy.  Okay, I exaggerate, perhaps a little, but how do you work through everyday life?  I have no idea.  

Maybe the difficulty is that this relationship feels even more fantastical than a camp relationship.  The closest I can analogize is that it is like finding someone in a war zone.  I am constantly sleep deprived, malnourmished, overworked and cut off from family and friends.  So of course someone who offers comfort and a measure of belonging to play house with is welcomed.  But when I am considering not returning home, but rather remaining in the warzone to fight the good fight, all of a sudden I want the relationship to be perfect, since at least (a very large) part of the reason for considering to stay would be for him.  Of course that's not fair to him, but nothing's fair in love and war, right?  Why am I so confused?