Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The Heart of the Matter

Every time I want to say I’m homesick, I am struck by the realization that I don’t actually know what that means.  I miss something that I barely remember having.  Not that I don’t have a family, of course I do.  But that elusive feeling of belonging; I have not been able to grasp.

 

8 months into my articles, it’s time to consider what’s next again.  I like my firm, but I had no intentions of staying in Edmonton beyond this year.  As that now changed?  Maybe, maybe not.  There is a man, that I clearly like, love even, who has made it very clear that he will not move back east.  Do I not owe him the same honesty to say that I want to go home, if Toronto is still home, even if it might not be for a few years?

 

What I keep feeling is that I am missing out on everything that’s happening in Toronto, to my family and my oldest friends.  Engagements, weddings, babies, and all the little announcements and special events that I no doubt didn’t even hear about…  it’s all happening and life’s going on.  Yes, I have my own life here, that I am fairly content with, but still.  It didn’t help to not go home for Christmas, and now it’s Chinese New Year.  When will I finally feel that I’m where I’m suppose to be? 

2 comments:

Julie said...

When we're roommates in downtown Toronto.

Anonymous said...

You are who you are where you are.