Ever had one of those nights when you are bone tired, but just can't sleep? Of course you have - you are probably having one of those as you read this right now. I have no idea what's going on.
This weekend is going to be busy, with the end-of-the-year cadet Annual Inspection on Sunday. The kids are going to be practicing all weekend for it. And I find it hard to believe, but it just might be possible that I can't sleep because of that. As a cadet, this was always the most important day of the year. Besides worrying about the various displays and shows we put on, our nerves are also shot in anticipation for the awards and promotion portion of the ceremony. Of course, not being a cadet anymore, I am not up for any awards. In fact, I will be presenting a couple of them. But still a childish part of me giggle with excitement. I know my band will put on a great show. I can hardly believe that the training year is over. Where did the days go?
Sleepless nights are a new menace now that the relationship is good again. I can't help pathetically daydreaming about what to name our kids, and other equally ridiculous notions. Obviously I have very definite ideas about where I want this relationship to go, so it is probably unfair to penalize him for not wanting the same things as I do six years down the road. Just live in today, right?
But I can't shake off this feeling that something bad is going to happen, or that it is not going to work out. What is the merit to a relationship with dissimilar goals? Given that no one can say for certain what's going to happen; but still. Even if both parties are working towards something, it might not work out. There is just absolutely no chance in hell of it happening if one of the parties isn't even going for it, right? This has got to be one of the perils of long-distance relationship, especially with a neurotic control freak like me: over-thinking and over-analyzing. I'm just going to sleep, and let tomorrow bring what it may.
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